12 Days of Christmas
by scarletngrayangel
Summary: Clark and the gang get snowed in while on Christmas vacation. Whatever will they do? How will they keep from killing each other?
1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree

**Title: 12 Days of Christmas**

**Rating: PG (for now, anyway)**

**Summary: Clark and the gang get snowed in while on Christmas vacation. Whatever will they do? How will they keep from killing each other?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville, the characters, or any other show/book/movie etc mentioned herein. Sad, I know.**

**Prologue**

"No! That's my favorite sweater!"

"What does anyone want for dinner?"

"If you want it, come and get it!"

"Hey! Watch where you're going! You almost knocked over my CD player!"

"Don't make me come in there!"

"I'm not kidding! Give that back, now!"

"I say we order out for pizza. I'm _not_ eating anymore casseroles."

"Turn that music down! I'm trying to work out these figures!"

Bang

Crash

Gasp

Silence.

Groan

"Shit! Clark, you destroyed my CD player!"

OOOOO

One week earlier...

The idea to take a vacation had been Chloe's. She felt that they could all use a break, although everyone knew she was dieing to get out of Smallville, no matter how temporary it was. Pete and Clark agreed, more than ready to get away from all the weird things that had been going on. Lana was in too. Working at the Talon was not turning out to be the dream job she had originally thought it would be. Lex also felt that he could use some time away from work and, more importantly, his father. Having nothing better to do, Whitney decided to tag along and spend some quality time with Lana. As to where and when, Lana wanted to go to the mountains and ski. Lex offered the use of his family's house in Colorado, as well as his jet for transportation. Pete suggested going during Christmas break, giving them two weeks to get away.

Coming up with the idea was easy. Getting their parents to go along with it was another thing all together. In the end, however, they managed to get permission. So here they were, in a house in Colorado, for the next two weeks. Only one problem. The second day they were there they woke up to a nightmare. They were snowed in, due to a blizzard the night before, and nobody knew when they would be able to get out. Until then, the six of them were stuck inside. That is, if they were able to survive that long without killing each other.

**A Partridge in a Pair Tree (December 21st)**

Life here was becoming almost like an episode of Big Brother. Which, strangely enough, Whitney seemed to have an obsession for. It was the second day of their imprisonment and boredom had set in. This resulted in 'creative' ways to keep busy.

Early that morning, bored out of their minds, Pete and Clark went into Lex's office, took two of his remote controlled racecars off the shelf, and set them on the floor. Smiling at each other maniacally, they counted down.

"Three..."

"Two..."

"One..._Go_!"

Off the cars flew, Clark and Pete following along behind as they steered them. They raced through the study, down the hall, and into the kitchen, nearly tripping Lana, who was in the middle of fixing herself some toast. Trying to maintain her balance, she dropped the jar of preserves. It smashed all over the spotless floor in a red, sticky glob. Just as this happened, Clark and Pete entered, having followed the cars. Their smiles disappeared, replaced by looks of shock and guilt, upon seeing the mess on the floor. Over by the counter were the two cars. After racing past Lana they had crashed, crushed on impact.

Glancing at the mess and then glaring at Clark and Pete, Lana went out the kitchen door in search of something to clean up. Seconds after shutting, the door opened again to reveal Lex, looking at them with a worried look on his face. "What happened? I heard-" Before he could continue, he noticed the broken jar of preserves on the floor, the two totaled cars in the corner, and the sheepish looks on the faces of Clark and Pete. Getting some idea of what had happened he raised his hand saying, "I don't want to know." turned around, and left. Clark and Pete just looked at each other and shrugged. Laying down the remotes from the wrecked cars, they too left the kitchen, not wanting to be there when Lana came back.

OOOOO

In the living room, Chloe was seated on the sofa in her pajamas, talking to Whitney about the conspiracy behind candy canes. "Have you ever noticed how candy canes can only be found around Christmas? I think it's a conspiracy to horde the world's candy cane supply and eventually sell them at higher prices for profitable gain." She looked at Whitney, silently daring him to challenge her.

Carefully choosing his words, he responded. "Who exactly would be hording them?"

Giving him a look that clearly said she thought he was stupid, she answered with "The same people who used to horde Peeps." He nodded his head, as though that made all the sense in the world.

Having successfully helped in wrecking two remote controlled cars, Pete entered the living room, receiving a look from Whitney that clearly said, "Help!" Chloe just smiled one of her brilliant smiles, looking as innocent as possible. Seeing as this could only turn out badly, Pete slowly turned around and walked out of the room, in search of something to do that would not result in Chloe killing him.

Leaving the living room, Pete headed upstairs to the bedroom he shared with Clark and Whitney. Chloe and Lana shared the one next to it, and Lex had the one down the hall all to himself. Each room had enough beds and dressers for the number of occupants, as well as a small TV, and a decent size closet.

In the room were three beds, two of which were extra-long and bunked. Pete had the top bunk and Clark had the bottom bunk. The other bed was a queen-sized bed which Whitney had claim on. They had decided who would sleep where by playing rock, paper, scissors.

Upon entering the room, he saw Clark digging through his clothes in his dresser drawer. "What are you looking for Clark?" Pete asked bewildered.

Without looking up, Clark answered. "I'm trying to find my notebook. I can't figure out where it is."

Pete laughed. "And you think it's in my clothes?"

Clark stopped, glared at Pete, and continued searching. "_No_. I laid it down on the nightstand and now it's missing. I figured it couldn't hurt to check here while I was looking."

Again, seeing only a dead-end, Pete walked out of a room he had just entered.

OOOOO

Sitting back in his leather chair in his office, feet propped up on his desk, Lex sighed. This was turning out to be a very tiring day, and it was not even noon yet. Two of his remote controlled racecars were ruined, the upstairs was a complete shambles due to Clark's frantic search for his notebook, and Whitney was hiding in the downstairs closet singing what, oddly enough, sounded like Kumbaya (he still was not sure what that was about). He could see that he would be spending a lot of time in here, just to get away from the noise and chaos around him. However, for the time being, fate seemed to be against him. Hearing a loud crash, he got up out of his chair, walked over to the door, and beat his head against it several times before opening it. Unsure that he wanted to know what had happened _this _time, he went off anyway.

Walking in the direction the sound came from, he ended up outside the living room door. He could not hear anything out of the ordinary, though he knew that did not mean anything. Unsure as to what he would find, he cautiously opened the door and looked in. Sitting on the sofa were Pete and Lana, both of whom were watching what appeared to be a basketball game on the TV. This puzzled Lex. There appeared to be nothing unusual or disastrous. Nevertheless, he knew he had heard a crash. Hmm...He walked in front of the TV, arms folded across his chest, staring at Pete and Lana with one eyebrow raised up.

"What?" Pete asked, as though nothing were wrong.

Lex knew better though. "I want to know what that crash was."

"Crash? What crash? I didn't hear any crash. Did you Lana?"

Lana, turning down the volume on the TV, looked shocked, all the while shaking her head. "No. Was there a crash?"

Lex sighed. "Look, I know something happened, resulting in a 'crash', and I know you two know what it was. Now, you had better tell me. Try the truth this time."

Pete and Lana looked at each other, having a silent conversation through facial expressions. One said, "You tell him!" while the other said "I'm not going to tell him. You tell him!" Meanwhile, Lex gave them his own look. The one that said, "Well, I'm waiting." Seeing that he would find out one way or another, even if it meant literally dragging it out of them, the story came out.

"Well, you see, it was like this. I came in here because Clark was...well, that's beside the point. Anyway, I came down here to keep from being killed, because honestly, I'd rather deal with Chloe than Clark. When I entered I saw that Lana was in here-"

"I came in just as Whitney left. He was screaming something about 'Communist Santas' or something. I don't know where he is, but Chloe left right behind him looking very happy."

'That sort of explains why Whitney's hiding in the closet.' Lex thought.

"Well, Lana and I thought we'd turn on the TV and see what was on."

"Yeah, when we came to the basketball game, Pete said he'd like to watch it."

"I like basketball. I guess you could say it's a bit of an obsession. Anyway, the guy was fouled out. I mean, how stupid can you be?"

"So Pete got a little...He lost his temper."

"Is that what the crash was?" Lex asked a little frustrated.

"No. Not exactly." Pete said. "It seems that the sound of the game had attracted Whitney's attention, because he came in. When I lost my temper, he decided to leave as soon as possible. I guess he was still a bit freaked."

"He ran out the door. Then there was the crash, which you heard."

Lex massaged his temples, willing away the headache he could feel forming. "Ok. Whitney left the room. _Then_ what happened?"

Pete and Lana looked at each other sheepishly. "We, um, don't exactly know. After the crash, we felt it was best to stay in here." Lana stated with a small smile on her face, silently praying he did not get angry or irate.

"You don't know?" He started laughing. "They don't know." Heading to the door, he repeated it, laughing even louder. "They don't know." Leaving the room, he could be heard laughing all the way down the hall.

"I think he's finally lost it. What little he had left to lose." Pete said, feeling a small amount of pity. Lana nodded her head in agreement, with a look of worry on her face.

"Is he gone?" The two looked at each other, then over to the direction the voice came from. There, on the other side of the room, slowly standing up from behind the other sofa was Clark.

Lana eyed him before asking what both she and Pete were thinking. "What were you doing back there Clark? Better yet, how long have you been there?"

Clark thought about it a few minutes, carefully choosing his response, before answering. "I snuck in and hid back here while you were in the middle of telling Lex your story. I must say, it was very entertaining. Anyway, I was trying to stay clear of Chloe. She's decided to make cookies and she needed someone to test them when she's done. As I was walking down the hall, Whitney ran into me. Literally. I ended up knocking over one of the swords lining the wall. Lucky it didn't hit Whitney, or he would have been speared."

This was more than they needed to hear. Not even giving a response, they sat back down on the couch, turned the volume back up, and went back to watching the game.

OOOOO

As Clark had said, Chloe was in the kitchen attempting to make cookies. She had never tried to make these before, but given her past record cooking, her chances of succeeding were slim and none, and none had just left town. Frustrated, she started rummaging through the cupboards, tossing aside the objects inside in her frantic search. "Now, where in all of this stuff is there a cookbook?" Just as she was about to give up looking, she found one. Flipping through the book, she found a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Taking her finger, she scanned down the list of ingredients needed. "Hmm...Eggs, flour, milk..."

OOOOO

After the basketball game had ended, Pete, Lana and Clark started flipping channels. Seeing nothing else on, they decided to watch the Godzilla Movie Marathon. Nobody could quite figure out why it was on so close to Christmas or why there was not a single holiday movie to be found on TV.

"If Godzilla took on the Mummy, who do you think would win?" Lana asked.

Clark scoffed. "Easy. It would be the Mummy. He's got that whole dead-immortal thing going on."

She laughed at his choice of words. "Dead-immortal?"

"Well, yeah. Think about it. He's dead and immortal."

"Not to mention that seems to be a bit of an oxymoron. How can he be dead if he's immortal?"

"He's immortal _because_ he's dead." Clark explained, causing Lana to look at him in disbelief.

Lana rolled her eyes and sniggered. "The phrase you're thinking is _Living_-dead. Besides, this would be undead, not living or immortal dead."

"You know, I always preferred Hydra." Pete declared suddenly, changing the topic.

"Hmm. He was pretty cool." Clark agreed. "Godzooki was cooler though."

"Godzooki was _cute_." Lana stated.

Pete stared at her. "You wouldn't think that if he was causing death and destruction where _you_ lived."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem anytime soon."

"You never know. These things happen without warning."

About forty-five minutes into the first movie, Chloe came in covered with flour and what appeared to be cookie dough, carrying a plate of the cookies she had made. With one of her brilliant smiles, she offered the plate. "Hey! I made some cookies. Who wants to try some?"

All three were hesitant, carefully considering their options. Did they really want to die from food poisoning? Although, Chloe _would_ kill them if they did not. Their odds were better with the cookies than Chloe. They each took a cookie and cautiously bit into it. After slowly chewing and swallowing, they looked at each other, and then down to the cookies in their hands. Meanwhile, Chloe watched nervously, slightly afraid of their reaction to her cooking.

"Yum! Chloe, these are good. Like really good!" Pete exclaimed, grabbing another cookie off the plate.

"Yeah Chloe. Where did you learn to cook like this?" Clark agreed.

"Oh, um, you know. Around." Chloe said, grateful that her cookies had come out this good.

"You're going to have to teach me to cook like this." Lana said, finishing off her cookie.

Chloe blushed, happy to be receiving this kind of response. "Thanks!" Laying down the plate of cookies, she went upstairs to change out of her clothes and into some cleaner ones.

As soon as she had left the room, they let out a sigh of relief.

"Alright. All in favor of never letting her cook again?" Lana asked.

"I!" Clark and Pete said together, raising their hands.

OOOOO

That afternoon, Lex went into his office to go over the finances for LexCorp, deciding to do something _con_structive rather than something _de_structive. Clark was now cleaning up the mess he had made of the upstairs while Pete looked on in amusement. Lana had moved to the library, where she was snuggled into a chair, reading a book. Chloe, as well as Whitney (who had finally come out of hiding after Chloe explained she had just been trying to psyche him out), were in the living room listening to some music on his CD player.

Checking the time, Lana got up and went to the kitchen to make dinner. Upon reaching the kitchen, a shout could be heard from upstairs, followed by the sound of feet pounding down the stairs.

"No! That's my favorite sweater!" Pete yelled from the top of the stairs.

Trying to stop the impending fight before it began, Lana yelled out from the kitchen. "What does anyone want for dinner?"

Ignoring her, Clark egged Pete on. "If you want it, come and get it." He then took off again, this time running into the living room, Pete hot on his trail.

"Hey! Watch where you're going! You almost knocked over my CD player!" Whitney yelled in warning as they raced by.

Having heard the noise coming from the living room, Lex laid his head in his hands for several seconds before raising it and shouting down the hall. "Don't make me come in there!" Sometimes he felt as if were babysitting children.

"I'm not kidding! Give that back, now!" Pete called after Clark, as he chased him around the room, not hearing Lex, in his attempt to get back his sweater.

"I say we order out for pizza. I'm _not_ eating anymore casseroles." Chloe finally answered from her spot on the couch in the living room. She had given it careful consideration, and had concluded that even if she had to dig her way out and _crawl_ every step of the way, she would do so before eating another one of Lana's casseroles.

Not only had the noise _not_ decreased, but Whitney had also turned up the volume on his CD player to combat the noise level coming from Clark and Pete. Of course, Lex was unable to concentrate and had heard this. Getting up from his desk, he walked down the hall to the living room. "Turn that music down! I'm trying to work out these figures!" he shouted. However, it was too late.

Bang

Crash

Silence

Gasp

Groan

The inevitable had happened. "Shit! Clark, you destroyed my CD player!"

Clark looked apologetic. "Sorry Whitney."

Pete tried, though unsuccessfully, to stifle a chuckle. This caused him to receive a glare from both Whitney and Clark.

Chloe just looked stunned at what had happened, which was somewhat shocking in itself, given events over the past few hours.

Lana had heard what had happened from the kitchen, but wisely chose to stay where she was and continued making dinner. Odds of tonight's concoction being casserole were very high, given the contents of the refrigerator.

From his spot in the doorway, Lex sighed and shook his head. He turned around and left, causing the room's other four occupants to stare and, quite conveniently, allowing Clark and Whitney to silently come to a truce, however temporary.

When Lex returned several minutes later, he had a box in his hands. Pete, Clark, Chloe and Whitney looked at him from their spot on the sofa. The looks on their faces had gone from ones of dread and worry, to ones of interest and curiosity.

"So, Lex, what's in there?" Chloe pointed at the object in his hands, eager to find out.

"Well," Lex drew out, "you'll just have to look in the box and find out." Having said this with some satisfaction, he opened the box and sat it on the table. The four on the sofa got up and gathered around the table on their knees. Inside the box were...

"Crayons?" Clark asked tentatively.

"Yes. Crayons. I figured you could do something that was a little less destructive. Just as long as you remember, you can only color on the _paper_. I don't want you doodling on each other." Lex managed all of this with a somewhat stern look, though if truth were told, he was actually enjoying this. In fact, he had gotten to the point where he was not completely sure he cared if they colored on each other. Or the walls for that matter. Moreover, _that_ was scary.

Chloe, however, did not think Lex was as upset as he seemed. Therefore, she decided to test the waters and see if she could push him a bit. "But that takes away my creativity. It may be the thing that makes or breaks me as an artist. In the years to come, when people say, 'What ever happened to that Chloe Sullivan?' I can look back and think, 'If only I had been allowed to freely express myself through crayons, I could have been something great.' All of which can be blamed on you."

Lex smiled, amused by Chloe's antics. "That's just a chance I'll have to take. Besides, I thought you wanted to be a star reporter, uncovering the truth in the world."

"Yeah, well this could scar me for life! My creativity could forever be suppressed from the world because of this!" Chloe stated dramatically, clutching the pillow behind her.

"Just color, alright? Take your creativity and let it fly." Lex said, turning around to leave. "On the paper though." he added as an afterthought.

"Aren't you going to color with us?" Pete asked teasingly, a smile on his face.

"Nope. Sorry children, but I've got work to do." Said Lex, arms crossed.

"Oh, but it just wouldn't be the same without _you_, Lex." Clark said with a fake pout.

"Remember, you _are_ on vacation." Whitney joined in.

"Hmm...Let me think it over." Lex said, pretending to pause and think about it. "I don't think so. _However_, as you so kindly reminded me, I _am_ on vacation. Therefore, I think I will sit here and relax. Maybe watch your creativity in action." Having said this Lex went over and took a seat on the abandoned sofa, interested in what they would do.

Chloe grabbed several sheets of paper and reached for the box of crayons. "Hmm, do I want the blue or the green?"

"I want the blue!" Pete exclaimed, interrupting Chloe's musings.

"Ok." Chloe said with a shrug, taking the blue and green crayons out of the box. Reaching across the table, she handed Pete the blue one. "Which one do you want, Clark?" Chloe asked, turning to her left to look at him.

Without pause, Clark answered. "Red."

Chloe took the red crayon and gave it to him. "Whitney?" she asked, looking to her right.

Whitney carefully thought about it before responding. "Um, I guess I'll take the purple."

Handing Whitney the purple crayon, she laid the box down and turned her attention to her paper, trying to determine what to draw. "Think, think, think..."

"Since when did we end up at Pooh's Thoughtful Spot?" Whitney asked. Clark and Pete heard this and tried not to laugh.

Chloe glared at them for several seconds before her face lit up. "That's it! Thanks for the idea Whitney!" Turning all of her attention back to her paper, she started drawing.

"Uh, what exactly did I-" Whitney started before Pete interrupted.

"Don't ask. We're all a lot better off not knowing."

Clark, meanwhile, sat merrily humming 'Jingle Bells' as he doodled on his sheet of paper.

Lex looked up from the magazine he had picked up off the table a few seconds before. He glanced at Clark before going back to the article titled "Abyss: How to Survive a Black Hole." Not that he planned to encounter a black hole anytime in the near future, but one could never be too careful. Now if only he could find an article on how to avoid an alien abduction...

"Hey Lex! What would you call this?" Pete asked, holding up Whitney's drawing, receiving a glare in return.

Before Lex could respond, Whitney took the paper out of Pete's hands and held it defensively to his chest. "I'll have you know that this is a picture of a goat," he said indignantly.

"_That's_ a goat?" Chloe asked incredulously, having stopped what she was doing. "Since when are goats purple?"

"I can have a purple goat if I want. Besides, what is yours supposed to be?" he asked, trying to get a look at Chloe's drawing.

Holding hers up proudly, she responded with, "Mine is a picture of Piglet. As an elf."

"A green Piglet?" Clark asked. "Very creative Chloe."

"Thanks." Chloe then stared dreamily into space. "Isn't it prettiful?"

"Is that even a word?" Pete inquired skeptically.

"I'll get the dictionary!" Jumping up, Whitney went off in search of a dictionary.

"So, Clark, what'd you draw?" Chloe asked, curiosity taking over.

"A, uh, dog." He held up his picture, somewhat hesitantly.

"That's...great Clark." Pete said, trying to keep a straight face.

Clark grinned. "I thought you were supposed to be my friend."

"Yeah, well this goes _beyond_ friendship."

Hearing this, Clark rolled his eyes. A few minutes later, Whitney entered, holding open a dictionary, his finger pointed on the page under _p_. "The word prettiful is _not _in the dictionary," he smugly confirmed.

"It should be." Chloe got up and walked over to Whitney. She grabbed the dictionary out of his hands and looked at it. Walking back over to her spot on the floor, she took the green crayon she had been using, and wrote the word prettiful in the margin under pretty. "Prettiful. A word meaning to be pretty."

"You can't use the word you are defining in its definition." Lex stated, finally taking part in the conversation.

Chloe thought about this for a few seconds before scribbling in the dictionary, yet again. "A word meaning to be _nice looking_." She seemed very pleased at her ingenuity.

"I suppose that works." Whitney said, having returned to his spot.

Chloe looked up at Lex. "Well?"

"You are a regular Shakespeare Chloe." This earned Lex a smile from her.

Pete was confused. "Huh?"

"Shakespeare created many of the words we use today. Which is what I did. I created a word, which will one day become a household commodity." Chloe explained.

"It sounds as though you've created a new spot remover or something."

"Besides, we're the only ones who've even heard of it. That's not exactly going to make the worldwide circuit." Whitney pointed out.

Considering this, Chloe came up with a solution. "I'll start a campaign! Everybody will know and use my word." She looked as though she had just discovered the cure for cancer.

This freaked Pete and Whitney out a little. Clark hoped it was just a passing faze, and Lex went back to his magazine, pretending he had not heard what she had said.

Chloe took her picture and wrote the word 'prettiful' across it with a pink crayon. She then ran out of the room, carrying her picture. After a couple of minutes, she returned. "There. It's now on the refrigerator."

"How exactly does that help your cause?" Whitney asked, slightly confused.

"Well, if you guys see it enough, then you'll start using it. That will lead to other people hearing it, and then they'll use it too."

Lex looked up from his magazine again. "Basically, you're hoping for a chain reaction."

She smiled. "Uh, yeah."

"Hey, if Chloe can put her picture on the refrigerator, then so can I!"

"Pete, I don't think Lex wants that picture of - What is it? A cat? - on his refrigerator." Whitney advised. "Or your dog." he added, looking at Clark.

Clark laughed and Pete looked offended.

"I'll have you know that this is a picture of a blue alien. Like the kind in that song 'Blue' by Eiffel. It is not, however, a cat." Pete huffed, causing Clark to laugh even louder.

"Because it looks _just _like an alien. I can see how Whitney confused it as a cat."

"I still say that if your picture can go on the fridge, so can mine." With that, Pete took off, picture in hand, to hang it next to Chloe's.

"Alright. That was interesting." Lex commented.

Pete came back in with a smug look on his face, sitting down in his spot on the floor.

With a very thoughtful look on his face, Whitney looked at Chloe, then Pete, and then back to Chloe. After thinking for several seconds, he got up, heading to the kitchen to tack his picture on the fridge with the others. When he came back, he sat back down, looking satisfied despite the amused looks on the other four faces.

"Clark, you may as well put your picture on my fridge too. Seeing as everyone else has. In addition, I doubt that they will be coming down anytime soon. I value my life more than that, thank you very much."

Looking up from his new work of art, Clark shook his head. "That's alright. Really. I'd rather not have my 'artistic talent' up for the world to see."

"Hey, we're now classified as the world, Pete."

"What about me?" Whitney asked.

"You can be the sun and Lex can be the moon." Chloe answered, looking from first one and then to the other.

Lex was amused. "The moon? You mean that I amnot the sun? Or even the whole galaxy for that matter?"

Chloe pretended to be apologetic towards him. "Sorry Lex, but Whitney makes a much better sun, don't you think? And even _you_ aren't big enough to be a galaxy."

Pretending to think this over, Lex gave his response. "He does make a better sun, doesn't he? So bright and cheerful!"

"Alright, I give up. You can stop making fun of me now." Whitney said with a fake sigh, causing everybody to laugh.

"Hey guys! Dinner's ready." Lana called out from the kitchen.

Getting up, they walked out of the living room and down the hall to the dining room.

"I really hope it's not another-" Pete started.

"Casserole." Chloe interrupted with a groan, seeing the dreaded substance on the table before them.

OOOOO

After picking through their dinner, Clark, Pete and Whitney went upstairs to their bedroom. It was halfway through the second movie in the Back to the Future marathon that the conversation got started.

Pete looked away from the screen. "Wouldn't it be cool to have a time machine?"

"Uh, I'm not sure I should ask this, but why?"

He stared at Clark as though he had a few screws loose. "So I can wash my clothes in it...To go back in time! What'd you think?"

"We kind of gathered that much." Whitney said. "What he means is why you'd _want_ to go back in time."

"Well why would _you _want to go back in time?" Pete countered.

He sat and thought about it carefully before answering. "I don't know?"

Clark laughed. "Great answer."

"Well, what would you do if _you_ had a time machine?" Whitney wondered, curious.

'Hmm...' Clark thought. 'Where would I go?' He could always go back to a time before his planet had been destroyed. Although he could not tell Whitney that. Then, there was always...nope, he was not going there. Therefore, he settled for: "I'd go to the future to see what I become."

"Do you even watch the movies?" Pete asked. "That could destroy the whole space-time continuum. Or something."

Clark grinned. "Alright Mr. Wise-Guy, what about you? Where would you go?"

Having thought about this, Pete knew what to say. In his mind, his answer was perfect. "I would go back in time and play basketball with the greats. The legends that made the game what it is today." He paused for a few seconds, as if thinking this over, and then grinned. "Although I could also go forward in time and get some chicks. Oh the possibilities!"

Clark and Whitney just sighed and shook their heads.

Pete was struck by an idea. "I know! Why don't we build one?"

This did not bode well.

"One _what_?" Clark asked, as if he did not know what Pete was talking about.

"A time machine!"

Pete began going over all of the specifics of how they would accomplish this. Something about plutonium, a stopwatch, and one of Lex's cars. No, this did not look good at all. Especially the part about the plutonium mixed with one of Lex's cars. If the plutonium did not kill them, Lex would. Although it did not seem as though stopping Pete was much of an option either. Just hope for the best. Moreover, if that did not work, it appeared that they would be barricading themselves in the downstairs bathroom for quite some time.

"So, Pete, have you ever done this before? It seems a bit...dangerous."

"Again, did you even watch the movies? Of course, it's dangerous. But that's what's so fun about it!"

Walking out of the bedroom, Pete went off in search of supplies, leaving Clark and Whitney with dumbfounded looks on their faces.

"So, Whitney, do _you _have any experience in this?"

"Outside of what I've seen in the movies? No. How about you?"

"I've seen a couple episodes of Home Improvement, but I don't think that helps our situation."

"So, basically, we're making a time machine using plutonium and one of Lex's cars, and the only knowledge we have to build this contraption is that which we have gained through watching Back to the Future."

"Yep, we're doomed."

"Dead is more like it."

"Is there any difference?"

OOOOO

"354 channels and nothing on." Chloe sighed, having flipped through every one of them. She was now on her third time back through, flipping too fast to see what was on.

"Actually, it's 358." Lex corrected.

Lana, having taken note of some of their options, started to list them off. "There's a Blue's Clues marathon on channel 29. Or, there's always the Charlie's Angels marathon on channel 37. Channel 142 has a Star Trek marathon, if anyone wants to watch that."

"More marathons." Chloe was frustrated. "That's all that's ever on!"

Without hesitating, Lex shed some light on the subject. "There's a different marathon on each channel. My father had that done for convenience. Although it's more than likely that he did it to annoy the hell out of people. With him, it's hard to tell what his motives were."

"So where's there a Christmas marathon?" Lana wondered.

"He was never very big on Christmas. I think it had something to do with all of the 'family togetherness.' As for the business and commercial aspect, he always appreciated _that_. Never _could_ spend time with his family."

Chloe and Lana exchanged a look, realizing that Lex was going into Rant Mode. Over the last couple of days, they had learned that this was never a good sign. The last time this had happened, he had ended up sitting in the kitchen, eating a whole cheesecake as he talked to Genji, a talking bear that only he could see.

As quietly and inconspicuously as possible, they got up and slowly exited the living room. As they were starting up the stairs to their bedroom, Pete ran up to them.

"Do either of you know where I can find some plutonium?"

Chloe was somewhat afraid to ask, but did anyway. "Plutonium?"

"Yeah, I need some. Clark, Whitney and I are making a time machine."

Had they heard correctly? Was Pete really asking for plutonium to make a time machine? They did not know whether to laugh or run for their lives. In the end, they did neither, deciding on just standing there, somewhat dazed.

Lana was the first one to snap out of it. "Where would there be plutonium in this house? _Why_ would there be plutonium in this house?"

"I don't know. However, we need some way to fuel our time machine. Maybe Lex can tell me."

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Chloe cautioned.

"Why not?"

"Because Lex looks like he is going to have another 'episode.' So it's hard to say what he'll do this time."

"Thanks for the heads up." Pete turned and left in the direction he had come from.

"Has Pete been by here?"

There, where Pete had just been, was Whitney, and Clark was not far behind.

"You just missed him." Lana informed them.

"Damn! He's trying to make a time machine."

"We've heard. He asked us for plutonium."

"Hopefully, if he doesn't have plutonium, he'll give up."

"Not Pete. He never quits." Chloe notified.

"Shit!"

"Out of curiosity, what did he plan to make it out of?"

"Besides the plutonium? Lex's car."

"The Ferrari?"

"The very same."

"Shit!"

"My sentiments exactly."

"You _do_ know that Lex is going to kill you, right?" Lana questioned.

Clark provided the answer that he and Whitney had finally decided on. "We already figured that. However, since we can't stop Pete, and we're dead regardless of the outcome, we figured we might as well help. If he can somehow manage to succeed, we'll travel back in time or something. Otherwise, we barricade ourselves in the bathroom. Although the closet might work too."

"It had more to do with the fact that there's nothing else to do around here. Besides, you only live once, right?" Whitney supplied.

"If it's all the same to you, we're going to pretend we never had this conversation. That way we can plead ignorance when Lex finds out."

"Thanks Chloe. You're a real friend." Clark sarcastically yelled as he and Whitney resumed their search for Pete.

"I know." she called back, walking up the stairs, Lana following behind.

"So, what do you want to do?" Lana asked.

"Outside of pretending that we're not trapped in a house with four madmen?"

"Yeah, that aside."

"How about playing a game?"

"Sure. How dangerous could that be?"

OOOOO

"Hey, Pete?" Clark called from the doorway of the garage. "Are you in there?"

After searching the kitchen, office, library, and living room (where they quietly bypassed Lex), they decided to try the garage. If he was not in here, they were going to give up the search.

"I'm over here!" a voice called from behind the Ferrari.

'Success.' he thought.

They had found Pete. Unless the voice was that of Genji or Lex had a resident ghost he had not told them about. Anything was possible, given the fact that they were currently standing in his garage, about to help Pete attempt the insane.

Standing up, Pete dusted himself off before walking over to the two. "Have you found any plutonium?"

"Unfortunately, no."

Pete yawned. "Well, it's about one in the morning and I'm tired. I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to sleep."

Clark and Whitney, tired and more than ready to go to bed, sighed in relief.

Turning out the light in the garage and closing the door, they made their way down the hall and up the stairs, agreeing to meet after breakfast to work on the car.

Changing out of his clothes, Pete groaned. "Man, I never would have thought that building a time machine out of a Ferrari would be so hard."

Turning down the bed and getting in, Whitney rolled his eyes and looked at Pete. "There's your problem. You don't think!"

Clark chuckled, resulting in Pete whacking him on the back of his head before climbing into bed.

"Hey!"

"_Goodnight_ Clark!" Pete and Whitney chorused, turning out the lights.

OOOOO

In the room next door, Chloe and Lana were in the middle of playing with an Ouija board.

"Oh Great Spirit, tell us your name."

"This isn't working Lana."

"Give it some time. They might be busy."

"It's one a.m. and they're _dead_. What could they _possibly_ be doing? Raiding a Walgreen's?"

"No. They have spirit things they do."

"Right."

"Shh. I think I felt something."

Sigh

"There! I felt it again! Look at the board."

"I...am...Bill...Clinton? Alright, now I know this is fake."

"Maybe it is a humorous spirit."

"Uh-huh."

"It's moving again!"

"What's it say now? That it's really Bill Gates, but got the last name wrong?"

"No, it says its name is...John?"

"Have you seen the ghost of John? Long white- Hey! That hurt."

"I'm trying to make contact here."

"Fine."

"How did you die?"

"Probably by playing this game."

"Look! It's moving again!"

"Are you sure you're not moving it?"

"Chloe..."

"Alright! I just asked!"

"Murder."

"What?"

"It just spelled murder."

"Maybe now's not a good time for him."

"Maybe he's just lost his wife."

"In case you forgot, _he's _the one that's dead."

Thump

"Chloe, do you think that was John?"

"No, _that_ was Pete, falling out of bed again."

OOOOO

"Mommy, I want to ride the pony!"

"Pete, you're on the floor. You fell out of bed, hitting your head when you landed." Clark said, kneeling down next to him.

"Clark? I had a dream that I was stuck in this house. And you were there, and Whitney, and-"

"Believe me, it wasn't a dream." Whitney broke in.

Pete looked around and noticed his surroundings. "No. It's a nightmare," he groaned, banging his head against the bedpost. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

"Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." a voice came from the doorway. The figure entered the room, turning on the light.

"Lex." Clark warned.

"So, he fell out of bed. Again."

"Yeah. He hit his head, which seems to have caused him to become slightly disoriented."

"Is that even possible?" Whitney questioned. "I thought he was pretty disillusioned already."

"It would probably help if he stopped hitting his head against the bed." Lex pointed out.

Clark turned back to Pete, pulling him away from the metal post.

"I'm alright now. Just a bit-"

"Crazy?" Whitney asked.

This earned him a glare from Pete. "No. I was going to say upset."

"Well, if everyone in here is alright, I'm going to bed."

"Night Lex!" Whitney called as Lex headed down the hall.

"So how do we keep him from falling out?" Clark asked, nodding to Pete.

Whitney thought for a minute before answering. "Rope?"

Clark sighed. "This is going to be a _long_ night."

**Author's Note: So I wrote this for Christmas. Yeah, not finished, but I do have more done. If anybody likes this and reviews, I'll post the next chapter in the next couple of days (yes, it's done!), So please review? Thanks!**


	2. Two Turtle Doves

**Title: 12 Days of Christmas **

**Rating: PG**

**Summary: See previous chapter**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own**

**Two Turtle Doves (December 22nd)**

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep

"What the-"

The noise was coming from the nightstand next to the bed. Feeling for the alarm clock with his hand, Clark found and hit it, smashing it to pieces and stopping the noise. He got up and saw that Pete and Whitney's beds were empty. Shrugging, he dressed, made his bed, and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Entering the kitchen, the first thing he noticed was the people, or lack thereof. More specifically, the lack of Pete and Whitney. Figuring they were in the living room, he got himself a bowl and went through the cupboards, looking for cereal.

"Cheerios...Corn Flakes...Golden Grahams...Rice Krispies...But where's the...Fruit Loops!"

He took down the box, poured some into the bowl, added the milk and grabbed a spoon out of a nearby drawer. Carefully balancing his bowl of Fruit Loops, so as not to spill the milk, he walked into the living room. There, on the sofa in her pajamas, was Chloe, looking at the screen of a laptop computer.

"Hey Clark!" she greeted, looking up from the screen.

He took a seat next to her. "Hey Chlo, what are you doing?"

She moved over on the sofa and turned the screen towards him so that he could see. "I'm trying to find out how to host a séance. This website here has some helpful hints, all the way down to the right foods to serve." She pointed at the screen, showing the listed foods.

This was not quite what he had expected. Although, if he were perfectly honest with himself, he did not exactly know what he expected. "Why are you interested in having a séance? And so close to Christmas?"

"Well, Lana and I were playing with an Ouija board last night and came up with the idea to have a séance. Besides, even the dead need someone on Christmas."

"That's all well and good, but have you seen Pete or Whitney? I'm supposed to meet up with them."

"The last I saw, they were in the library."

Clark was perplexed. "The library?"

"Hey, I'm just telling you what I saw." she informed him.

"Thanks Chlo." he sincerely said.

Chloe's attention returned to the website as she finished her conversation with Clark. "No problem. If you see Lana, tell her about the website."

"Will do."

Abandoning his partially eaten bowl of cereal, Clark went down the hall to the library. Inside, Pete was sitting in a chair reading a book, and Whitney was searching the bookshelves. Both things, in and of themselves, were quite unusual.

"If you don't mind my asking, what exactly have you been...?" Clark asked, vaguely waving his hands in the air.

"Doing?" Pete finished, putting down the book he had been reading. "Whitney and I are researching time travel while we wait."

"Wait? For what?"

"Oh, well, we figured that if there is any plutonium around here it would be in Lex's lab. If such a place exists. Therefore, we've spent this morning searching all over, but have yet to find it. That leads us to believe that it's near his office. But he's been in there since six, and hasn't left yet."

Clark sat down and tried to take in all of what he had just heard. They were searching for Lex's secret lab but had to bide their time, and chose to do so by researching time travel. This day was starting out weirder than the last.

"If you're going to hang around, you might as well help us." Pete reached over and handed Clark a book titled "Time Travel and You."

He scanned through and found a chapter he felt could prove useful. "The Proper Uses of Plutonium: What _Not_ To Do." Yep, that definitely deserved a second glance.

As he started reading, the sound of a door closing could be heard. Whitney stopped his search and went to the door, peering around the corner. After several seconds, he turned back around to face Clark and Pete. "All clear. Lex has finally left."

Clark and Pete laid down their books and stood up, following Whitney out the door and down the hall to Lex's office. They walked stealthily on tiptoe so as not to make a sound. Upon reaching their destination, they checked to make sure no one was in the hall and opened the door.

"Here's the plan." Pete said, taking charge of the situation like a general leading his troops. "Search everywhere, and I mean _everywhere_, for a secret passage or entrance or something. Leave no stone unturned."

"Right. Considering there are no stones in here, that shouldn't be too hard." Whitney pointed out, causing Pete to roll his eyes.

"You know what I mean. Now let's start looking before Lex returns."

OOOOO

"Chloe!' Lana called. "I think there's something wrong with the TV."

Chloe looked up from her clipboard where she had been writing down her plans for the séance. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I can only get a handful of channels. All of the other ones have static and snow on them."

Lex chose that moment to enter the room. "What's up?"

"The sky as well as the ceiling." Chloe remarked, receiving a glare.

"That's not what I meant."

Lana looked over at Lex and sighed. "I was flipping through the channels and all I could get on most of them were snow."

Lex walked over to the sofa and picked up the remote. He went through all 358 channels, receiving the same results as Lana. "Great. Just great. We now have C-SPAN, The Weather Channel, The Silent Movie Network, Unwanted ESPN Classics, and what appears to be the Jerry Springer Station. Everything else is missing." Frustrated, he laid down the remote and picked up the phone, dialing the cable company. "Hello? Yes, this is Lex Luthor and my TV is currently receiving only five channels. I wanted- Yes, I realize that people fifty years ago had to deal with three basic channels in black and white, but that doesn't mean that I have- Hello? Hello?" Lex stared at the phone in his hand before slamming it down on the table. "He hung up on me!"

Chloe shrugged her shoulders and went back to her clipboard while Lana went over her choices of what to watch, finally deciding on the Jerry Springer Station. Lex just crossed his arms, determined to sulk. That is, until he noticed the man who was cheating on his girlfriend with a kangaroo, which he desired to marry and move to Argentina with (the man on TV, not Lex). "Wow. And I thought I had problems." Intrigued, he leaned forward and turned up the volume, eyes glued to the scene before him. Lex was officially addicted.

OOOOO

Back in Lex's office, after an hour of searching, they still had not found anything even remotely resembling a secret lab.

"Nope. Nothing here." Clark said from behind Lex's desk.

Whitney turned from his spot on the stepladder at the bookcase, arms full of books. "I've got nothing."

Pete sighed and sat down. "It appears that there isn't a lab. None that we can find anyway."

"What do you want to do?" Whitney asked, returning the books to their proper spot on the shelf.

"How about we go see what everyone else is up to." Pete responded.

"You mean you're giving up?" Clark asked, clearly shocked.

"No. I'm just taking a break to clear my mind and formulate a new plan."

"Wow Pete. That's deep."

"Shut up."

OOOOO

"Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"

Entering the room, Clark, Pete and Whitney looked at Lex as though he had three heads.

"Hey, how'd the search go?" Lana asked above Lex's occasional screams at the TV.

"Not so good. Is Lex watching Jerry Springer?" Whitney questioned, watching Lex curiously.

Lana hesitated for a moment before responding. "Uh, yeah."

"_Why_?"

Chloe looked up from her clipboard and laughed. "Long story."

"I see."

"Whoa!" Lex said toward the TV where a woman had just confessed to being a hermaphrodite.

Just as Clark was about to comment on this, the scene on the TV screen changed from one of a shocked boyfriend to that of a woman explaining the proper way to decorate a Christmas tree.

"What...I...how...No!" Lex stuttered, and then screamed. "They were just about to bring out the mother!"

Lana shook her head in disbelief. "A speechless Lex. I never thought I'd see the day."

"Well, it now looks like you can watch Martha Stewart take on a Christmas tree." Pete commented with a grin.

"Now remember, it's not a _Christmas_ tree, it's a _Holiday_ tree." Chloe chastised.

"Uh-huh. Obviously, you've been watching too much C-SPAN. Hey Whitney, think you could get Chlo into Big Brother?"

Whitney thought this over for a moment as Chloe glared. "I don't know. That will be tough."

Chloe's glare turned to a smirk. "Especially given the fact that the TV is only receiving five channels at the moment, none of which pick up Big Brother."

"No Big Brother? I can't be expected to live like this!" Whitney declared some panic evident in his voice.

Now it was Clark's turn to glare. "Great job guys. Now we have _two_ hyperventilating psychopaths."

Pete stared at Clark and then turned to Chloe. "Five-to-one he's next to lose it."

"What else do you have?" Chloe asked after a minute.

"I've got three-to-one that we don't make it out of here alive."

"Have anything on the Metropolis Sharks?"

"I'll have to check my sources."

Chloe suddenly noticed how silent the room had become. "Hey guys? Guys? Where'd everyone go?" she asked as she looked around the room.

"Think it was us?" Pete questioned.

They both thought about it. "Nah."

OOOOO

"Have you got it yet?"

"The answer's the same as it was when you asked me two minutes ago."

Clark sat at the kitchen table typing away on a laptop computer while Whitney impatiently sat next to him, looking over his shoulder. Leaning against the counter behind them stood Lex, greatly interested in what was happening.

After escaping from the living room, as well as Chloe and Pete, they had gathered here in the kitchen where Clark had managed to calm Lex and Whitney down. How he had managed this, no one knew for sure. Nonetheless, here they were, using one of Lex's computers to hack into the cable company's mainframe in an attempt to find out why the TV was acting up and fix it. If nothing else, they would destroy the system, wreaking havoc in the process.

"What about now?"

"No Whitney."

Lex smiled teasingly. "You were probably one of those children that sat in the backseat of a car and asked 'Are we there yet?' the whole way. I can only imagine how your poor parents felt."

"We _know_ how his parents felt given that we're experiencing it firsthand. What makes you think it stopped at childhood?"

Whitney looked insulted. "I resent that!"

"To say you resemble that would be more accurate." Lex responded.

Whitney turned in his chair and sulked.

"How far have you gotten Clark?" Lex asked as he walked over to stand directly behind him.

"Uh, well..."

Lex sighed as he pushed Whitney. "Move over."

"Hey!" Whitney complained.

"Do you want to watch Big Brother again or not?"

"Fine."

Lex turned from Whitney back to Clark and started directing him in what to do. "Now, click on that and type- No, not that one! _That_ one."

"Do _you_ want to do this?" Clark asked frustration evident.

"If you want something done right-" Lex quoted.

"Do it yourself. Here!" Clark finished, sliding the computer over to Lex.

"Why can't I do it?" Whitney questioned, turning around. "I'm capable and responsible."

"This coming from the person who was hiding in the closet yesterday."

"Well _you_ crashed a toy car."

"This is a very complicated operation. If we were to get caught, then we could go to jail."

"Yeah, that's really going to happen soon. In case you forgot, we're trapped here."

"Will you both stop? I'm trying to concentrate here!" Lex said irately, not bothering to look up from the screen.

They both seemed ashamed. "Sorry Lex."

"I'm in!" Lex exclaimed several minutes later.

"How'd you- I mean, where did you...?" Clark started, somewhat shocked.

"Oh, just something I picked up in my youth. How did you think I got out of so many scrapes?"

"I always figured it was several things. Buying people off, threatening people, blackmail..."

"Ah, yes, and don't forget my father. That right there is power."

"Then why this?"

"And miss out on all the fun?"

Clark rolled his eyes. "Sure Lex, whatever you say."

"Yes, and don't you forget it."

Whitney looked over at them. "That's great, really. Now, how about finishing what we started?"

After staring at him in annoyance for a few seconds, Lex went back to the job at hand. "Alright, according to this-"

"What?" Whitney asked impatiently.

"I'm getting to that. What I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, is that the system is down. It doesn't appear that we _can_ fix it."

"Argh! I'm going to have to go who knows how long without Big Brother. I don't think I can live that long without knowing what happened."

"You don't have to worry. _I'll_ personally kill you if you don't stop that incessant whining!"

Whitney gulped and sunk down in his chair.

"Does that mean we're done?" Clark asked hopefully.

"I still have to leave a virus to wreak havoc on their system." Lex replied somewhat enthusiastically.

"Uh, considering that their system is already down, doesn't that seem kind of pointless? Besides, the system will take longer to get up."

"That _is_ the point. By doing this, it will ensure that they suffer for quite some time after we have gone back to Smallville. People should be able to receive cable, but the company will have real issues."

"Are you sure that will happen? And what kind of issues are we talking about?"

"Gee Clark, you sure are inquisitive today. To answer your second question first, a magician never reveals his secrets."

"Uh-huh. And the first?"

"Never underestimate a Luthor. Particularly me."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Anybody want lunch?" Whitney asked suddenly, standing up and moving towards the counter.

"It's not casserole, is it?" Clark asked suspiciously.

"I couldn't make a casserole if my life depended on it. Actually, I can't cook, which narrows things down to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"Sounds good to me."

"Anything sounds good after last night's dinner." Lex pointed out.

OOOOO

"Deck the halls with boughs of Holly. Fa la la la la, la la la la." Chloe sang merrily as she wrapped Christmas presents on the living room floor.

"A little off key there." Lex commented on as he entered the room, peanut butter and jelly sandwich in hand.

Chloe appeared annoyed. "See if I get you anything for Christmas."

"Did you?" he asked inquiringly.

Chloe sighed. "Yes."

Lex looked at her curiously. "What did you get me?"

"What's the fun in that? It takes away the thrill," she stated plainly.

He picked up a book and flipped through it for a few minutes before he looked up. "It's a tie, isn't it?"

"Yes." she said dejectedly.

He went back to the book in his hand. "Thought so."

OOOOO

"Clark Bar, this is Peter Rabbit. Over."

"Clark Bar and Witless here. Over."

Having completed their attempt at wreaking havoc on the cable company, and having eaten lunch, Clark and Whitney met up with Pete and were again searching for Lex's secret lab by trailing him. Along the way, they had found two walky-talkies, dressed themselves in camouflage, and given each other the code names of Clark Bar, Peter Rabbit and Witless. Clark picked Pete's, Pete picked Whitney's and Whitney picked Clark's. They had then split up, Clark and Whitney in one direction and Pete in the other.

"The Bald Eagle has landed. Repeat, the Bald Eagle has landed. Over."

"We read you Peter Rabbit. Over."

Sneaking down the hall, Clark and Whitney headed towards the living room where Pete had spotted Lex.

There, on the hall floor outside the door, peeking around the doorframe was Pete. "I need-"

"Oh Peter Rab-bit." Clark said in a singsong voice, frightening Pete and causing him to jump.

"Don't do that!"

"Yes Clark, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a serious mission that needs to be taken seriously." Whitney said, him and Clark both snickering as they joined Pete on the floor.

"Hey! He might hear us."

"Who are we hiding from?" a voice asked.

The three looked up. "Oh, hi Lex. How are you?" Clark asked nonchalantly.

"I'm good, but you still haven't answered my question."

"We're all good too. Aren't we guys?" he asked Pete and Whitney, receiving a nod in return as they all stood up.

"We'll just be going now." Pete said.

Lex stared at them as they slowly backed up and then turned around, running as fast as they could up the stairs to their room to regroup.

Chloe walked into the hallway and stood next to Lex. "What was that all about?"

"I'm not completely sure."

"This can't be good _or_ safe."

"What around here is?"

"You don't know the half of it." she muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing."

OOOOO

How do you fuel a time machine without plutonium? This was the question that Pete was trying to find a solution for. What he did not know, however, was that a solution was about to present itself.

"We have no plutonium, we are unable to get plutonium, and we failed at finding Lex's secret lab. If such a place even existed." Pete listed off as he paced the floor. "What are we going to do?"

Clark glanced at his watch and then looked back up at Pete. "Well, we have a séance to go to in a few hours. I told her we'd be there at 9:00."

"What?"

"Chloe and Lana were playing with an Ouija board last night and came up with the idea."

"Alright. Now back to the problem involving lack of fuel." As he said this, he kicked the desk, making his foot sore. "Ouch!"

"Real smart Pete." Whitney laughed.

Pete grabbed a pillow and threw it at Whitney, who ducked, picked it up and threw it back, hitting Pete in the face. Reaching down to grab the pillow and throw it back at Whitney, Pete noticed something under Clark's bed. Shoving the two on the mattress aside, he got down on his knees and retrieved the object, starring at it in awe and wonder. "What is this and where did it come from? I'm pretty sure I would have seen it before."

"That? That's a rocket." Clark stated as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Yes, now how did it get here?"

"Clark and I made it last night after you went back to sleep." Whitney answered.

Pete considered this for a moment. "Was this before or after the two of you tied me to the bed?"

"After." he confirmed.

"Oh. Okay."

The three sat there in silence, until..."I've got it!" Clark exclaimed. "We can use the rocket to propel the car!"

OOOOO

"We have here with us the 1993 champion." The voice on the TV announced. "This is a real treat."

Chloe yawned from her spot on the sofa where she and Lex were watching Unwanted ESPN Classics. "Because golf isn't boring enough we have to watch this, the '94 Putt-Putt Golf Championship. I don't think I can take the excitement." The sarcasm dripped from each word.

"I thought the high point was the World Poker Championship of '97." Lex claimed, just as bored.

Picking up the remote, Chloe changed the channel to C-SPAN. "Ah, the Japanese Parliament. If we're lucky, that geeky guy at the podium will be attacked by the short guy in the third row." As she said this, she pointed out the two men.

Lex disagreed. "I don't know. I think I'd rather see the elderly gentleman in the front take on the man that fell asleep in the aisle."

"He wouldn't be much of a gentleman then, would he?" Chloe pointed out.

"No, but you can't have everything."

As Chloe was about to comment on this, the phone rang. Reaching over, Lex grabbed it and answered as seriously as he could. "Hello, you've reached Hell on Earth, how may I be of service?"

Chloe snorted and nudged him with her elbow. "Lex!"

Ignoring her, Lex listened to the problems of the person on the other end, trying to help the only way he knew how. "No, I don't think that will help. Now if you take the cord, rip it out of the wall, and proceed in tossing the appliance out the window, then your results may improve, although the best results will come from dousing it in gasoline and lighting a match. I find making Christmas dinner such a hassle. Maybe you should consider hiring a professional. I hear they are wonderful, and all the rage these days."

By this time, Chloe was doubled over on the floor, trying not to die from laughing so hard. "You are _such_ a girl!" she managed to choke.

Lex quickly turned his attention to her before returning to his conversation. "Yes, I do know. Believe me, after eating Lana's casseroles the last few days I would even eat your blackened turkey. Now just keep in mind the very important moral our dear friend Smokey the Bear taught us. 'Only you can prevent forest fires.' However, most people forget that 'Only you can _start _fires, of any kind, with your homemade flame thrower.' A good lesson to us all, I believe, though I wouldn't personally know...Yes I'll keep that in mind...So glad I could be of help. If you ever need more advice, you know whom to call. Bye!" He then turned to Chloe. "You know, I should start my own Help Hotline. I would be great at giving advice, and think of the money I would make! How perfect would that be?"

"A word of wisdom Lex. Don't quit your day job, however boring it may be."

OOOOO

"Okay." Whitney said looking at the Ferrari in the garage. "How exactly do we go about doing this?"

Pete rolled his eyes. "You are so clueless."

"Awe, but that's what you like about me." He said jumping on Pete and hugging him.

"That's just disturbing." Clark ascertained.

"What? That Whitney's a girl? I thought that was obvious." Pete exclaimed, somewhat dumbfounded at Clark's ignorance.

"Not that! I'm talking about the fact that he's just as girly as Lex." he corrected. "Although, he doesn't seem to wear pastel colors, but..."

Pete eyed him warily. "Uh-huh. Clark, you are a little behind times, but that's all right. We love you anyway."

Whitney shook his head and sighed. "I am surrounded by idiots. Now, back to the rocket."

"If you stick it here..." Pete pointed to the back of the Ferrari. "Yes, that's where it will go."

Clark and Whitney could see the merit in this and agreed, though there was still another question which needed answered. "What do we use to attach said rocket?"

The three sat carefully thinking about this for several minutes until Pete made a suggestion. "Rope?"

Clark laughed at this. "You and Whitney think alike!"

"Really?" Pete asked thoughtfully. "Him and me?" He pointed first at Whitney and then himself as he said this. Before Clark or Whitney could respond, Pete realized something. "You mean Whitney came up with the idea to tie me to my bed with rope?"

"You must have really been out of it." Clark declared. "Either way, it appears that Lex is going to have to invest in a rope manufacturer. I doubt there will be any left at this rate."

OOOOO

To say that he was bored would be the understatement of the century. Not that the century was that old, so maybe not the best example. Anyway, there had not been any more phone calls asking for his advice, and Chloe had fallen asleep on the sofa about thirty minutes ago. Sighing, Lex got up and walked over to the table in the corner of the room where he had placed his magazine earlier. As he went to pick it up, he noticed a plate of cookies. Picking one up, he took a bite and winced. Taking the cookie out of his mouth, he banged it against the wall and shook his head in disbelief when it failed to break.

"I see you've discovered Chloe's attempt at baking." Lana said through her giggles.

Lex looked from the cookie to Lana, and then back to the cookie scrutinizing it. "Chloe made these? They certainly leave a lot to be desired."

Lana walked over and picked one up. "They don't taste very good, do they? Kind of like...well, it's indescribable. And not in a good way."

"Taste?" Lex asked. "How can you even eat it? It's harder than a rock." Again, he banged it on the wall, this time leaving a small dent.

"Maybe you could use it as a projectile missile." Lana suggested.

Lex looked at her as he tossed the cookie back onto the plate, making a clanging sound as it hit. "Hmm...You know, I'll probably need to use these before we get out of here." He grabbed the plate and carried them out of the living room.

"Wait!" Lana yelled, chasing after him after realizing the dangerous effect the cookies could have on the house's occupants. Especially three guys, currently upstairs working on a dangerous plan.

Hearing the commotion, Chloe woke up and rubbed at her eyes groaning. Slowly sitting up, she glanced at the nearby clock and noticed she had two hours before the séance. She stood up and started to leave the room when something suddenly hit her. "Where is everyone? And where are my cookies?"

OOOOO

Deciding they needed more information before lighting the rocket, Clark, Pete and Whitney went into the library and accessed the internet from the computer. After about an hour of searching, they were about to call it quits, when...

"I like bananas. Bananas are yummy."

Pete and Whitney looked up from the computer screen. They could have sworn they heard something. Maybe it was their imagination.

"Have you seen my purple tree? I grew it myself! They said it couldn't be done. But I proved them wrong!"

Again, they looked up. Still they did not see anything. Shrugging, they went back to reading the web page concerning the proper use of rockets.

"Lana! The twister's coming and it's going to take the cow! I have to get him to the fair to sell to Simple Simon for some magic beans. With those beans I just know I can save the trailer park from the evil Lord Zurg!"

This time when Pete and Whitney looked up, right after the mention of the twister getting the cow, they noticed that it was Clark talking in his sleep. He had fallen asleep in his chair behind them.

"Awe, look how cute he is!" a voice exclaimed from the doorway. Looking up, they saw that it was Chloe, pointing at the drooling Clark who had slumped down in his chair.

Looking at Chloe, then Clark, Pete could not help but laugh. It was not long before Whitney joined in, trying to hide his laughter by pretending to cough.

"I want to eat the chocolate clouds with sprinkles."

Chloe stared at Clark for a few minutes and then laughed. "I don't know what he's dreaming about, but it sure sounds good."

"I don't know about that." Whitney said snickering.

"Can we leave soon? The flower said I couldn't be the fairy princess at the tea party because the antelope stole my tiara!"

At this last outburst, all three doubled over with laughter, their stomachs hurting.

OOOOO

Lana chased Lex up the stairs, trying to get the tray of cookies away from him. "Come on Lex. You don't really want to hurt somebody, do you?"

"Not at present. Nevertheless, who knows what the future will bring? Whoever does must make an awful lot of money." Lex concluded.

"Lex!" Lana scolded. "That's terrible."

"Yes. It is." Lex admitted sadly, as he opened the door to his room. "However, I think I'll hold onto these for the time being."

Before Lex could close the door, Lana made one last try. "Promise me you won't hurt anyone with those."

Lex considered this and replied. "Not unless it's in self-defense. Happy?" However, before she could reply, he closed and locked the door.

She sighed, walking down the hall. Then an idea struck her and she smiled. "Well, what am I worried about? If I need to, I know where I can always get more."

OOOOO

"Sam...Sam...Sam...Sam...Sam...Sam...Gollum!"

"Whitney, why are you in here and what are you doing?" Clark asked suspiciously, looking down at him.

Whitney glanced up from his spot on the ballroom floor shortly. Seeing Clark, he went back to his task. "Gollum...Sam…Sam…Sam…Gollum!"

"Uh, yeah." Clark responded as he glanced at Whitney out of the corner of his eye. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head or something?"

Whitney looked back up at Clark with a glare. "No Clark. I did not hit my head. Or something as you put it." He then looked back down again.

"So what exactly are you doing?" Clark tried again.

Whitney gleamed at him. "I am defying the laws of probability!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, ok…What?" he exclaimed in confusion when the words finally hit him. "What do you mean?"

Whitney sighed and rolled his eyes as he held up a small card. "This is a bookmark." Clark rolled his eyes at him in return, but Whitney continued. "If you notice, it has two sides. This one is Samwise and this one is Gollum." He explained, pointing out the characters on the two sides of the bookmark. "According to the laws of probability, when this is dropped it should land on Sam and Gollum approximately the same number of times. Given two outcomes it is 50-50." At this, he smiled triumphantly.

Clark raised an eyebrow. "So what are you saying? That this is not occurring that way?"

"Exactly!" Whitney beamed. "According to my studies, this card has landed on Sam ninety-five times and Gollum only eight times."

"Your studies? What is this? A science experiment?" Clark laughed.

"Hey! Don't laugh!" Whitney admonished. Then, leaning in towards Clark, he continued in a whisper. "If you ask me, I think these bookmarks are possessed."

"Sure Whitney." Clark said wearily. "Why don't you continue this…'experiment'…and I'll just go. Far away." Saying this, he began to back out of the room very slowly.

"You may think I'm nuts, but I'll show you!" Whitney yelled after him.

OOOOO

"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree… I can't seem to find you." Chloe sang, walking down the hall in search of the Christmas tree and ornaments. Deciding to try another tactic, she walked to the end of the hall and into Lex's office, which was empty. Discovering that Lex was absent from his hideaway, Chloe went back down the hall and up the stairs towards his room, figuring that this would be the only other place he could possibly be. At the top of the stairs, she headed towards Lex's room and passed Lana on the way, looking slightly disgruntled.

"Hi Lana. Is Lex in his room?" Chloe asked cautiously.

Lana stopped for a moment and sighed. "Yes… Don't ask!" She then started back on her way down the hall and into the game room.

Chloe looked taken aback, holding her hands up in defense. "I wasn't going to." She said to herself.

Continuing on, Chloe came to stand outside of Lex's door. It was closed, which was not all that unusual, seeing as this was Lex. Thinking for a minute, she considered whether she should knock. She was not too sure after that confrontation with Lana. After another couple of minutes, she slowly raised her hand and brought it to the door, knocking gently.

Inside the room was a scuffle followed by "Lana, you can't have them! I told you, these are my cookies!"

Now Chloe was very confused. "This is Chloe. Lana left a few minutes ago." She carefully called to him through the door. "And I don't want your cookies." She said as an afterthought, not completely sure what he was even talking about.

There was a squeak of what sounded like bedsprings followed by feet walking across the floor. Then the door slowly opened a crack, just enough for Lex to peak his head out and look at Chloe. "Ok, what do you want?" He asked eyeing her.

"I just wondered where the Christmas tree was." She said uncomfortably, feeling as though she had walked in on something she should not have, though she did not know what.

Opening the door the rest of the way, Lex stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind him. "This tree you speak of does not exist." He told Chloe in a serious manner.

Chloe looked a little shocked, not knowing whether he was serious or not. "I just want to know where the tree is so I can decorate it. And where the decorations are as well." Chloe explained slightly frustrated.

"I'm telling you. There is no tree. Maybe it exists in another world, but it's not here." He stated with more emphasis this time.

Chloe got a determined look on her face, not ready to give up just because Lex was having issues. Or maybe he was stoned… 'Yeah' she decided. 'That's it.'

"Wherever the tree is, that's where you'll find the decorations." Lex said cryptically, opening the door behind him and walking back into the room.

Chloe looked slightly puzzled. "What the hell was that supposed to mean? Better yet, am I the only sane one left?"

OOOOO

9:30 p.m. Do you know where your friends are?

It was 9:30 and Chloe found herself sitting in an empty ballroom. Well, mostly empty. The bookmarks Whitney had been using earlier were still lying on the floor by the window. Sighing, she took a seat on a large, comfortable pillow on the floor in the middle of the room. "Nine o'clock. I said nine o'clock and it's now nine thirty! Where are they at?" Chloe said to herself in exasperation.

"Behind the at." Lex remarked with a smile on his face.

Startled, Chloe looked towards the door behind her and saw Lex. "Huh?" She said slightly confused.

Lex chuckled and walked over to join Chloe on the floor. "Behind the at. You asked where we were at. It's an English thing." Lex explained.

"Huh." Chloe said in response. "So you're here, and sane again, but where are the others?"

"Yes, I think earlier had something to do with the aspirin I took for my headache. Must have caused deliria or something. As to the others, Lana said she'd be right down, Whitney is upstairs scribbling something in a notebook and Clark is dragging Pete down the hall, so he should be here soon." Lex said looking to the doorway just as Clark entered pulling Pete from behind.

"But I don't want to go to a séance." Pete pouted as he was pushed into the ballroom. "Who holds a séance right before Christmas anyway?"

"That would be Chloe." Clark answered sternly in Pete's ear, nodding towards Chloe across from them.

Pete turned bright red from embarrassment when he noticed Chloe. "G-great idea. Wonderful time of year for this kind of thing. Wish I'd thought of it first." Pete said as he stumbled over to where Chloe and Lex were sitting on the floor.

"Don't bother Pete. I heard everything you said and that's ok. You don't have to like all of my ideas." Chloe reassured with a smile on her face.

Pete looked surprised at this revelation. "Really?"

Chloe nodded, her smile growing. "Yep. Just remember, I know where you live." At this everybody laughed.

Just then, Lana entered the room. "What'd I miss?" she asked with a small smile on her face, causing everyone, including Pete to start laughing even harder. Shrugging, Lana walked over and sat down with everyone else. Now they just had to wait for Whitney.

At this moment, Whitney entered. "I think I have just discovered upon something of great significance!" he exclaimed, holding out his notebook.

"Please tell me this has nothing to do with disproving the Theory of Improbability." Clark mumbled, practically begging.

"It all started when I was looking at some bookmarks-", He started.

Clark buried his face his hands. "No, please don't. Oh God, spare me."

"Is something wrong Clark?" Lana asked worried, looking inquiringly at him.

Clark looked up at her and put on a fake smile. "No. Nothing's wrong. I'm just peachy." Then, unexpectedly, he grabbed Whitney's notebook and tore the pages to shreds. "There Whitney. That's what I think of your experiment."

Whitney looked abashed. "What's wrong with you? Why? I could have won a Nobel Prize for that!" Saying this, Whitney stomped out of the room and down the hall.

"Whitney!" Clark called, rushing after him.

Chloe, Lana, Lex and Pete all sat and looked at each other dumbfounded. "Ok, what was that all about?" Pete asked, receiving shrugs from the other three.

"I have no idea." Lex claimed. "Nobody tells me anything around here."

"Should we be worried?" Lana worried. "I mean, should we do something?"

Chloe looked dejected. "I don't think we can do anything. We don't even know what this is about. We should probably just stay out of it for the time being."

Everybody remained silent, staring at the floor, lost in thought. Suddenly Pete broke the silence. "So, who's up for a rousing good séance?"

All three glared at him, but Chloe voiced the group's opinion, throwing a pillow at him. "Shut up Pete."

OOOOO

That night, since a séance was no longer possible, the group went their separate ways. Lana and Chloe were having a girl's night in their room. Lex was in his office catching up on some much needed paperwork, despite the complaints to Chloe made to the contrary. Pete, meanwhile, was upstairs in the bedroom with Clark and Whitney, quietly watching them settle their differences. What was to happen next would go down as the pillow fight to end pillow fights.

"Whitney I said I was sorry. Besides, it's no big deal. You can redo the research." Clark tried to reason.

Whitney sighed. "It's not the research; it's the principle of the thing. Clark, I thought we were friends." Here he received a look from Pete. "Well, not enemies at any rate. So why did you do it?"

Now it was Clark's turn to sigh. "I don't know. I guess I thought it was ridiculous. You know, after all of the weird things with the meteorites in Smallville, I guess I just wanted to put everything behind me."

Whitney nodded his head. "Yeah. Ok."

"Are we good?" Clark asked unsure.

Whitney smiled. "Yeah, we're good."

The two smiled and hugged. Pete, however, rolled his eyes. "Ugh, I'm going to be sick. I can't believe this. Not a single punch!"

At this, Whitney and Clark glanced at each other, both thinking the same thing. Each picking up a pillow, they threw it at Pete.

Pete fell backwards on the bed where he was sitting when the pillows hit. Sitting up he responded. "Ok, that's enough! What is with all of this 'let's hit Pete with pillows' thing? I have been hit with more pillows today. Well, no more!" Saying this, Pete grabbed the pillow and threw it at Clark, who ducked, thus hitting Whitney. Whitney glared and hit Clark over the head with the pillow, which had just hit him. Soon, all three boys were hitting each other with pillows, feathers flying everywhere.

"What's going on in here?" Lex asked from the doorway, watching the feathers fly around the room, Hearing his voice, all three boys stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

"Pillow fight?" Pete said unsure, causing Lex to smile and shake his head.

"This is the second night in a row that there's been commotion from this room." Lex remarked.

Clark smiled. "Yes, we really must stop meeting like this." He said, earning a snicker from the other occupants.

"Yes, well, just make sure you clean up the feathers." Having said this, Lex left and went back down to his office.

The three boys took in the mess of feathers. Whitney was the first to break the silence. "Sure are a lot of feathers. How do you suggest we clean them up?"

Pete laughed. "I guess we pick them up."

"In that case, we better start now if we want to sleep tonight." Clark remarked with a sigh. "Who'd have thought there'd be that many feathers?"

Whitney looked up from his pile of feathers. "It means they're the good kind of pillows."

"You expected less from this place?" Pete asked incredulously. "They didn't spare the expenses on anything else, so what makes the pillows any different?"

"Guys… less talk, more work." Clark said from his side of the room, receiving the remains of Pete and Whitney's pillows to the head, thus restarting the fight.

Meanwhile…

In the room next door, Chloe and Lana were having their girl's night in, watching the Jerry Springer Station, which had just come back on (though nobody had told Lex about this).

"It's too bad the séance didn't work out." Chloe said dejectedly from her spot on her bed.

Lana nodded her head as she chewed some popcorn. "Yeah... But why don't you have it tomorrow night?" she suggested.

Chloe thought for a moment and smiled. "That could work."

Both girls turned back to the TV just in time to see a midget and a giant. Yes, things were back to normal. Well, as normal as they got around here.

**Author's Note: Okay, so it's been awhile since I posted this. Sorry. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Review and I'll put up the next one. May be awhile though, what with college and all.**

**And to my reviewers:**

**NothingIsSound: I know! I'll try not to have Whitney sing Kumbaya, though nothing is certain in this house.**

**G.Zan: Thanks! I'm glad you think this is amusing, since that was the direction I was going in.**

**Shall-Iin: Thanks for that! Makes me feel special. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**DigmonGirl: Thanks! Like the smiley!**

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	3. Three French Hens

**Title: 12 Days of Christmas **

**Rating: PG**

**Summary: See chapter one**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Smallville, but alas I don't. Maybe Santa will bring it next Christmas...**

**Three French Hens (December 23rd) **

"Rise and shine people. Only two more days until Christmas!" the voice on the radio boomed, causing the occupants to groan in dismay.

"Shut that thing off Whitney." Pete called across the room, head under his pillow.

"Huh?" Whitney mumbled, lifting his head a couple of inches off the bed and looking sleepy-eyed at Pete. "Did you say something?"

Pete now lifted his head to look down at Whitney. "I _said_, shut that radio off." Pete grumbled and then hugged the pillow to his head.

"Oh, ok." Whitney acquiesced. He reached over to the nightstand and turned off the radio.

It was six-thirty in the morning and Pete and Whitney were exhausted. The second round of their pillow fight had not ended until about eleven the night before. Even then, it was only from the lack of pillows and the sheer exhaustion. Two hours later, they began cleaning up the mess of feathers scattered around the room. When they finished this task, it was three in the morning.

As Whitney went to lay his head back down, he noticed something. Or rather, he did not notice something.

"Pete." Whitney called, only slightly more awake. The only response was a grumble. "Pete!" Whitney called again.

"What?" Pete whined, upset at being woken up again.

Whitney sighed. "Pete, where's Clark?"

Pete rolled over and looked down at Whitney through half-closed eyes. "In his bed. Asleep. Now leave me alone."

"No, he's not there." Whitney claimed, staring at the empty bed beneath Pete.

Pete rubbed his eyes, sitting up to look at Whitney. "What? What do you mean he's not there?"

Whitney pointed at the empty bed. "See for yourself."

Pete bent over the side of his bed and looked down beneath it. As did Whitney before him, he noticed that Clark was missing. He then tried to pull himself back upright on the top bunk, but managed to slip and lose his grip on the mattress. He therefore fell out of bed and landed on the floor below with a loud thud. Whitney, now completely awake, saw the whole thing and laughed, much to Pete's chagrin. "It's not funny." He complained, running a hand over a sore spot on his head as he attempted to sit up. Just then, Lex appeared in the doorway for the third time in the last forty-eight hours.

"What happened this time?" Lex asked sleepily. His clothes were disheveled, making it obvious he had fallen asleep at his desk in his office while doing work. "Or do I not want to know?" he asked as an afterthought.

"Oh, Pete just fell out of bed." Whitney replied nonchalantly as he gestured to Pete on the opposite end of the room.

Lex gave a look of disbelief. "That's what? Three times that this has happened?"

"No, four times. We just forgot to strap him in last night. Must have been too tired after all of that cleaning." Whitney commented.

"Strapped him in?" Lex asked confused. It was definitely too early to be thinking this much.

Pete finally stood up and chose this moment to join in the discussion. "Hey! Don't talk about me like I'm not here. I have feelings too, man."

Whitney looked over at him a minute. "Oh, right."

"Clark's missing." Pete mentioned as he tried to draw the attention away from himself.

"Did you just say that Clark was missing?" Lex asked, not sure he had heard correctly.

"Yeah. He was missing when we woke up." Whitney responded yawning. "Not sure where he is."

Lex shook his head, slightly frustrated with the situation. "Where exactly have you looked for him?" He finally managed to ask.

"Just in here." Pete replied while Whitney looked sheepishly at Lex. "We've only been awake for about...five minutes?" He asked as he looked in Whitney's direction.

Whitney silently calculated in his head. "Hmm...yeah, sounds good to me."

Lex sighed. "Ok. Let's think through this. Slowly." Here Pete and Whitney both nodded their understanding. "Now we know he couldn't have gone far, seeing as we're snowed in. That means he must be in the house. Follow me so far?" Both nodded. "Good. There are four floors to this house, counting the attic and cellar-"

"Really?" Pete asked surprised. "I didn't know that. Why was I not made aware of that before now?"

"It's not important since they're both locked to keep people like you out." Lex assured, frustrated at where this conversation had gone. "Anyway, since we can assume he's not on those two floors, that only leaves us with two to search."

Whitney started to snigger. "You know what happens to people who assume Lex."

"Oh, I know this one!" Pete chimed. "It makes an ass out of you and me."

"Fine." Lex groaned. Silently he began to wonder if they were really this stupid or if it was from lack of sleep. Maybe he had eaten some bad cheesecake again. Yes, that was probably it. At least it sounded better than the idea that he had finally gone insane. Looking back at the two in front of him he continued. "Now, on this floor we have my room, which can be ruled out seeing how it's locked. Next is this room. Since we have obviously deduced, through your excellent powers of observation, that he is not here, we can move on to Chloe and Lana's room."

"Oh I don't know. Maybe he's under my bed." Whitney finally spoke up.

"Why would he be under your bed?" Lex asked with his arms crossed.

"Because he wouldn't hide under his own bed?" Pete answered as though solving a riddle.

"Never mind." Lex said. "We'll come back to this room later. The next room is Chloe and Lana's. I know I'll regret asking this, but do either of you know of any reason he'd go in there?"

The two in question looked thoughtful for a moment. Finally Pete spoke. "Maybe he wanted to contact John."

Lex looked surprised at having received an intelligible answer from the two. "Who's John?"

"Some dead guy Chloe and Lana contacted. If you want to talk to him, you'll have to ask them." Whitney supplied.

And the conversation had yet again gone back to where it had begun. "Ok, we'll come back to their room later as well. Now across the hall is the game room-"

"Wow. Is that what that room is? I've been wondering about that for some time now." Pete replied in awe.

Whitney looked slightly confused. "An attic? A cellar? A game room? There are so many places in this house I don't know about. Is there any possibility I can get a map?"

Lex finally threw up his hands. "You know what? Forget it. I give up."

Pete and Whitney watched in slight shock as he left the room. "I guess that means no map."

OOOOO

Lex went downstairs and down the hall to the kitchen. Standing outside the door, he could hear noises coming from inside. Slowly, he opened the door and saw something that he was not expecting. There, at the counter, stood one Clark Kent, in what appeared to be an apron, making eggs. Well, at least one mystery was solved.

"Please tell me you're not wearing an apron." Lex said, hoping he was hallucinating this whole morning.

Clark turned around from the stove, staring at Lex with a small grin on his face. "What's wrong with wearing an apron? Chefs wear them all of the time."

"Yes." Lex agreed. "But not pink ones with frilly lace around the edges. Unless of course they're deranged housewives." he pointed out. He paused a moment in thought before continuing. "You're not, are you?"

Clark looked at him as though he had two heads. "No. Whatever would make you think that?"

Lex sighed. "Just checking. Never know around here." He pulled out a chair and took a seat at the island in the middle of the room. "I never knew you could cook." he finally remarked.

"I can't. Not really. My mom made sure I could cover the basics. Such as these eggs." He said, pointing to the scrambled eggs in the skillet. "It's not that hard, really. Slightly more so than Whitney's sandwiches."

Not wanting to admit that he was lucky if he could make toast without burning it, Lex nodded his head in agreement. The two stood there in silence, not knowing what to say, when a thought hit Lex. "Your friends are looking for you."

"Could you be more specific?" Clark requested. "There are four other people in this house."

"The two intellectually challenged individuals you happen to share a room with." he clarified.

This earned him a glare, which was followed by a sigh. "This place isn't that big. I mean, yeah, it's big, but...You know what I mean!" Clark exclaimed in exasperation, throwing his arms in the air.

Lex grinned. "That's exactly what I thought. Of course, you should probably find them. Based on the conversation I recently had with them, it's unlikely they'll be locating you in the foreseeable future."

With another sigh, Clark laid down his untouched plate of eggs. It would figure that the one time he managed to get some decent food in this place it would be ruined. Resigned to his fate, and the fact that his eggs would get cold, he offered them to Lex. "Want these? I don't know how long this will take. It would be a shame to waste them."

"They're not poisoned, are they?" Lex asked, an eyebrow raised.

"No! Why would I poison them?" Clark exclaimed in shock. "What reason would I have for poisoning you?"

Lex shrugged. "Eh, I'll take them." He reached for the eggs and looked at them for a moment, not noticing Clark leave. "I don't think it matters even if they are poisoned. We'll probably all die from Lana's cooking anyway." He then proceeded to eat the eggs.

OOOOO

Not wanting to know what sorts of problems they had managed to get themselves into, Clark took off in the direction of the upstairs bedroom he had vacated earlier. Walking down the hall, he found the door to be closed. This did not appear to be a good sign. Carefully, he opened it and looked inside. There was a serious lack of Pete and Whitney, but he did notice that the room was in a state of disarray. Definitely not a good sign. Combing his hand through his hair, he walked next door to Chloe and Lana's room. He found their door to also be closed, but this time he knocked. Waiting a few moments, and hearing no sign of life from inside, he tried the knob, not sure as to what he would find. And not sure he wanted to know. A quick glance found the two girls, draped over their respective beds where they had fallen asleep. Popcorn was scattered across the floor, the bowl containing it having fallen off the bed, and the TV was still turned to the Jerry Springer station where a man was insisting that two apes were in fact his parents. Seeing no sign of his roommates, Clark closed the door and left, making a mental note not to tell Lex about the station's reappearance. He then continued his trek down the hall, trying to determine where his two cohorts were.

Mentally, he went through the list of places. He had eliminated their room and the girls' room, and Lex's room was definitely out. Crossing the hall, he decided to first check the theatre. Opening the door, he found it was dark except for the light coming from the wall-sized screen in front of him. There, sitting in the front row, were Pete and Whitney. He walked over to the two and noticed that their full attention was on the movie currently playing. Until now, Clark had not even noticed what was playing, though he had heard the music emitting from the speakers. Glancing at the screen, he stared for a few moments in thought before recognizing it. Something he had not seen since his childhood.

"Um, guys?" He finally said, trying to get their attention. Their eyes remained glued to the screen. "Guys." Clark tried again, waving his hand in front of their faces. They continued to stare at the screen, apparently mesmerized. "Guys!" He shouted.

"Huh?" Pete asked, still not looking away.

"Let's go." Clark said.

Whitney chose this moment to add his two cents worth. "Want to see how it ends."

Clark sighed in reply. "Guys, it's really simple. The movie's about a balloon. A red balloon. Hence the title, The Red Balloon."

"I have to know what happens to the balloon." Whitney insisted.

"It's a _balloon_." Clark emphasized, clearly frustrated.

"Yes." Pete agreed. "And it's quite addicting."

"C'mon guys." Clark said again, grabbing hold of the two and dragging them towards the door, ignoring their complaints. "You've obviously not had enough sleep. Believe me when I say that you'll thank me later."

"I see you found them, since they obviously didn't find you." Lex remarked from outside the door.

Clark nodded. "Yes, how very observant of you. Seems they were watching The Red Balloon."

Lex shuddered. "I am thoroughly convinced that that movie is the spawn of Satan."

"Uh, why?" Clark asked, now very confused.

"It has the ability to hypnotize people. Like your friends here." he replied, pointing to Pete and Whitney, both of whom appeared to be dazed.

Shaking his head, Clark began to laugh. "They're fine, they just haven't had enough sleep. And obviously you haven't either."

"Fine, don't believe me. Just stay away from that movie." Lex cautioned.

"I'm getting these two back in bed." Clark commented, ignoring Lex's warning. He began to lead them across the hall to their room.

"Don't forget to tie Pete in." Lex reminded as he walked towards the stairs.

Clark sighed and pushed them through the door towards their respective beds. Whitney was easy, but Pete had to be helped up the ladder, and then tied in as Lex had said. As he finished tieing Pete in, he noticed the clock showing that it was seven-fifteen. This was going to be a very long day.

OOOOO

Two hours later saw Pete and Whitney waking up again, this time of their own accord.

"What time is it?" Pete sleepily asked Whitney.

Whitney checked the clock radio on the nearby nightstand. "About a quarter after nine." he replied.

Pete nodded his head as he untied the ropes that had held him in. Having successfully done that, he went to jump out of bed. Unfortunately for him, his legs got tangled in the sheets. "Ahhhhh!" he cried as he fell, hitting the floor with a resounding crash.

"I swear Pete, you're a total Klutz." Whitney muttered, receiving a glare.

"Where's Clark?" Pete asked, noticing that Clark's bed was empty.

Whitney shrugged. "Don't know."

"Please, tell me he didn't." a voice came from the doorway.

The room's two occupants turned to see a very tired and bedraggled looking Lex Luthor. "Who didn't what?" Pete asked in confusion.

Lex sighed. "You fell out of bed again, right?"

"That's about the gist of it, yeah." Whitney confirmed.

"I specifically said to tie him up." Lex complained.

"We did." Whitney responded. "It was when he untied himself a few minutes ago that the problem occurred."

"Have you seen Clark?" Pete suddenly asked. "He's not here."

Lex paled. "Oh no. Not this again. We are not having this discussion ever again, let alone twice in the same day."

"What are you talking about?" Whitney asked, looking at him as though he had grown a second head.

"Nothing." Lex said. "Forget I said anything. I'd check the kitchen though." he suggested.

Pete eyed him. "Why?"

"Because that's where he was the last time." Lex explained, turning to leave the two. "But don't be surprised if he's wearing a pink apron." he added over his shoulder.

"Okay, did that make any sense at all?" Pete asked Whitney, obviously confused.

Whitney shook his head. "None whatsoever. But nothing does anymore."

Pete shrugged. "Oh well. Let's go check the kitchen."

OOOOO

Clark, Pete and Whitney were not the only ones awake. Chloe and Lana had been up for the last half an hour. Oblivious to what was going on in the house, they made their way down to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. Unfortunately, they forgot that neither of them had anything even remotely resembling cooking skills. It was also unfortunate for Lex, who happened to be walking past the kitchen at a very inopportune time.

"What did you do?!" Lex exclaimed in dismay, looking over his kitchen. At least, he thought it was his kitchen. Right now it looked like a Waffle House had exploded.

Chloe and Lana looked at him sheepishly. "We tried to cook?" Lana asked tentatively.

Lex raised an eyebrow. "Is that a question or a statement?" he asked in return.

"Statement." Lana slowly answered.

"I'm somehow not surprised." he muttered to himself before returning his attention to the two girls before him. "Now that we've established that you were trying to cook, how exactly did this happen?"

Chloe smiled. "Well, it's quite simple really. And I just know you're going to find it funny."

"I'm sure I will." Lex ground out through a fake smile.

Chloe continued. "We decided to make waffles, figuring it couldn't be that hard. And things were going well."

"And?" Lex asked, feeling not for the first time as though he were pulling teeth.

Lana picked up the story. "Since we knew there were six of us in this house, and given the way that Clark, Pete and Whitney eat, we knew we'd need to make a lot."

Lex sighed, feeling his headache returning. "How thoughtful."

"Yeah, well this is where things went wrong." Chloe pointed out. "When we tried to mix it with the mixer, it went everywhere."

"It wouldn't have been so bad, except there was so much batter." Lana quickly added upon seeing Lex's frustration.

Closing his eyes, Lex silently counted to ten. When he opened them he found himself to be surprisingly calmer. "I suppose I should be thankful that all you did was paint my kitchen in waffle batter."

Just then, Pete and Whitney walked into the kitchen. "I don't see Clark." Pete stated, oblivious to the mess. "Where is he?"

"And what have you done to the kitchen?" Whitney asked in wide-eyed wonderment.

"Waffles?" Chloe asked sheepishly.

"Of course." Whitney replied sarcastically. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Lana glanced between the two before speaking up, trying to prevent an argument. "We were trying to make waffles. It didn't work out so well."

Lex's frustration was returning. "I don't care how you did it, all I want is for someone to clean this mess up. Now." He then turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Pete and Whitney, neither one eager to clean up twice in the same day, looked at each other with the same idea. "We'll just be leaving." Pete commented, eyeing the door.

"Yeah. We have something we have to do." Whitney added, the two slowly baking their way toward the door, escape on their minds.

Chloe crossed her arms. "Oh, really? Like what?"

They were both trying hard to think of something when the door suddenly opened and Clark appeared. "There's a situation they need to help me take care of on the second floor." he supplied, leading the two out of the room and receiving twin glares from Chloe and Lana. Once they were down the hall, and well out of earshot, they slowed their pace. "Alright, what was that all about?" he asked the two as they walked up the stairs.

"It seems that Chloe and Lana were trying to cook." Whitney answered.

Clark winced. "Not a good combination, if the casseroles and cookies were anything to go by."

Pete nodded. "Yeah, well they were trying to make waffles and managed to coat the kitchen in batter."

"I'm surprised that's all they did." Clark remarked. "Lex is lucky they haven't burned down the kitchen yet. I'm not sure I want to be there when he finds out about this one."

Pete and Whitney stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at each other. "Actually, he already knows." Whitney commented, trying to not to laugh as he saw Clark's panicked face.

"I thought he took it quite well." Pete added.

Clark raised an eyebrow. "Are we talking about the same Lex?"

Whitney chuckled. "Yep, amazing as it sounds. Now, what was it we're needed for?"

"No clue." Clark admitted. "Lex just said to meet him in the game room, but didn't specify why."

"To the game room it is!" Pete exclaimed, receiving odd looks from the other two. "Hey, don't look at me like that!" he demanded as they walked down the hall.

Upon reaching the designated room, they opened the door and found Lex waiting. "I see you made it out of the kitchen alive."

"Just barely." Pete replied. "So what's so important that you need our help?" he asked curiously.

Lex crossed his arms with a smirk. "Well, after the incident this morning, I have decided on a course for action."

"You're buying a rope company." Whitney guessed, thinking back to the times Pete had fallen out of bed.

"No." Lex answered. "But that's not a bad idea. Actually, I'm not referring to that particular situation. Think of the other incident." he supplied, hoping they knew what he was referencing.

"The eggs?" Clark asked, receiving a questioning look from Pete and Whitney.

Lex sighed. "Not that either. I'm talking about the situation with the movie."

"Movie?" Pete and Whitney both asked in obvious confusion.

"I told you that movie was evil." Lex told Clark.

Clark groaned. "It's not evil. They were probably just too tired to realize they were watching it."

"Alright, I don't have any idea what you two are going on about, but what does it have to do with us?" Whitney asked, losing patience.

Clark and Lex turned to look at him. "I want you three to go in there and destroy that movie." he answered in complete seriousness.

"What movie?" Pete wondered.

"The Red Balloon." Clark provided. "And it's not evil." he added, cutting off any remark Lex could make.

Whitney shuddered. "I remember that movie. It about drove me crazy."

"See? What'd I tell you? Evil." Lex concluded.

"Fine." Clark said with a sigh, clearly giving up. "Let's get this over with." He then proceeded to walk out of the room and down the hall towards the theatre, the other three following behind.

Lex stopped him before he could open the door and enter. "What's your plan?"

Clark looked at him in bewilderment. "Plan? I'm going to go in there and turn the thing off. Then I'm going to take the movie and destroy it, as per your crazy request."

"Okay, first of all it's not crazy." Lex said defensively. "Secondly, are you insane? You need a better plan than that."

"I concur with Lex." Pete replied.

Clark looked at the two as though they had lost their minds. "What are you talking about? It's a movie!"

"And since when does the word 'concur' exist in your limited vocabulary?" Whitney asked incredulously.

"That's besides the point." Pete spat at Whitney.

"Can we just go in there and get this over with?" Clark asked, becoming annoyed.

Lex finally conceded. "Fine. Just remember not to let your guard down. And whatever you do, don't look at the screen."

Clark nodded, opening the door to the room. "I'll keep that in mind."

Whitney groaned. "Why can't we ever do something normal?"

OOOOO

Meanwhile, Chloe and Lana were trying to clean up the kitchen. Who knew waffle batter could be so hard to clean up?

"We're going to be here all day." Chloe complained as she wiped some off the counter. "This stuff is everywhere!"

Lana sighed in reply. "I know. I didn't think there was this much batter when we made it."

Chloe threw down her towel, useless since it was soaked in the thick liquid. "This towel's had it. I'm going to get another one. Need one?" she asked as she walked toward the kitchen door. They had already used up all of the paper towels, and had now managed to dirty the last of the kitchen's dish towels.

Lana looked at the towel in her hand, which was in about the same shape as Chloe's. "It wouldn't hurt."

Leaving the kitchen, Chloe walked down the hall to the laundry room to find some more dish towels. She looked around and could not find any. This was not going to be good. She headed back towards the kitchen and a waiting Lana.

"Well?" Lana asked as Chloe entered.

Chloe shook her head. "Nope. Not a single one to be found."

Lana sighed. "Well I guess that means only one thing."

"We give up?" Chloe asked hopefully.

"No." Lana shook her head. "We do laundry."

Chloe's only response was a groan.

OOOOO

Meanwhile, in the theatre, Clark walked over to the DVD player, ready to take the movie out and dispose of it. "The sooner, the better." he mumbled. As he reached towards the eject button, he felt someone grab his arm.

"I don't know about this." Pete said warily. "Lex warned us about this movie."

"Well what do you suggest?" Clark asked, slightly annoyed at where this was going.

Pete shrugged. "Run out of here and bar the door?"

"Yes, that's a great plan." Whitney replied sarcastically. "We'll just sit in fear of a movie for the rest of our lives."

"It's not just a movie." Pete insisted. "It's a _demonic _movie."

Whitney shook his head. "No, you're thinking of The Exorcist. _That _was a demonic movie."

"It wasn't demonic." Pete shot back. "It was about demonic _things_."

While Pete and Whitney argued over what was and was not demonic, Clark quickly reached out and pressed the eject button. The movie suddenly shut off, showing only a blue screen. And then there was the disc, innocently looking up at them from the slot.

There was dead silence in the room as the three stood staring at the disc. Finally, Whitney broke the silence. "Well that was certainly anticlimactic."

The other two could not help but nod their heads in agreement. So much for demonic movies.

"So who's going to destroy it?" Pete asked curiously.

"Lex can, seeing as it's his movie." Clark responded. "Though it all seems pretty pointless."

Pete and Whitney agreed. "How about we keep it." Whitney suggested.

"What about Lex?" Pete questioned, eyeing the door. "He's not going to like that."

Whitney rolled his eyes. "He wasn't going to like you turning one of his cars into a time machine either, but that didn't stop you! Actually this seems pretty tame in comparison."

Pete's eyes suddenly widened. "I forgot all about that! Ok, we need to finish the time machine." And with that he marched out of the room.

Clark smacked Whitney in the back of the head. "Good going! Until you mentioned it, he had forgotten all about time travel. But you just _had_ to bring it up."

"He would have gotten back to it sooner or later." Whitney said in defense.

"Yes, but later was the better option." Clark pointed out. He then sighed. "Well, we'd better go find him."

Whitney nodded and then turned towards the open DVD player. "Almost forgot this." he remarked, picking up the disc. "Now we can go." he told Clark who had been waiting.

As the two walked out the door, they noticed Lex waiting for them. "So?" he asked. "Did you do it?"

Clark nodded. "Yes Lex. And for the record, it's not demonic."

"It was actually dull." Whitney agreed. He then realized what he had said. "Wow, I never thought I'd say those words while in this house."

Lex smiled. "Then I guess its time to see how Chloe and Lana are doing in the kitchen."

"Can't." Clark stated. "We need to find Pete. Did you happen to see which way he went?"

"I believe he went in your room." Lex answered, looking slightly bewildered. "Why?"

"We have plans." Whitney replied simply before both he and Clark took off down the hall.

Lex shrugged. "Then I guess _I_ get to go see how the kitchen looks." he said to himself as he headed towards the stairs.

OOOOO

"Pete?" Clark called into the room. Receiving no response, he walked further in, Whitney following behind him.

"Doesn't look like he's here." Whitney commented.

Suddenly the closet door opened, startling both Clark and Whitney, and out came Pete carrying a box. "Hey guys." he greeted.

Whitney smirked. "I see you finally decided to come out of the closet." he joked.

Pete rolled his eyes. "Yes, because that joke hasn't been used enough." he replied sarcastically. "But seriously, I think I found something we can use."

"Really?" Clark asked in surprise.

"Yep." Pete nodded with a grin. "It's right here in this box."

Clark was almost afraid to ask, but did anyway. "What's in there?"

Pete's grin widened. "Plutonium."

Whitney looked skeptical. "Sure. You just _happened_ to find plutonium in the closet. _Our _closet of all places!"

"Well yeah." Pete replied with a shrug. "Why not?"

"Because it's a closet!" Whitney yelled. "People don't just store plutonium in a bedroom closet!"

Clark took the box out of Pete's hands, despite his protests, and peered inside. "Well it appears as though the Luthors do indeed keep plutonium in their closet."

Still skeptical, Whitney peered inside as well. "And it's plutonium." he confirmed, more to himself than the other two. He then looked to Pete. "Please tell me you're not planning to use that." he pleaded.

Before Pete had a chance to answer, a voice belonging to one Lex Luthor could be heard coming from downstairs. And he did not sound happy. "What the hell did you two do?!"

Upstairs, the three boys looked at each other. "Uh, how about we discuss this some other time?" Pete asked.

Clark and Whitney nodded their agreement. "Yeah, we should probably go see if they need our help." Clark replied.

"I'm in." Whitney added.

The three quickly hid the plutonium back in the closet and ran downstairs to see what had caused Lex to go off this time. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they had only to follow the sound of Lex's voice. To their surprise, it led them to the laundry room. Even more surprising was the sight that greeted them inside. Although it was obviously a laundry room, it looked as though the washing machine had gone on strike, though not before exploding its contents all over the room. There were dish towels, soap suds and water covering every inch of the room.

"How did you manage this fiasco?" Lex asked, tired and annoyed.

Chloe and Lana looked up at him sheepishly while Clark, Pete and Whitney waited for them to explain their way out of this one. "We have a perfectly good explanation for this." Chloe stated.

Lex eyed them, obviously not believing it. "It had better be good."

"Well, you wanted us to clean the kitchen after the waffle batter got on everything, which we were doing, but we ran out of clean towels." Lana quickly explained.

"I take it you decided to wash them." he remarked knowingly.

Lana and Chloe both nodded. "Pretty much." Chloe admitted.

Lex sighed and rubbed his temples, feeling his headache returning, something that was happening quite often. "Fine." He then looked at the three in the doorway. "You three are going to clean up this mess." he ordered.

Clark glumly nodded while Pete and Whitney loudly protested. "We had nothing to do with this!" Pete complained.

"I don't care. It needs cleaned and these two" he pointed to Chloe and Lana, "need to finish cleaning the kitchen. I believe I know where some more paper towels are."

Chloe and Lana sighed, following Lex out of the laundry room and towards the kitchen. Resigned to their fate, Clark and Pete began mopping up while Whitney picked up the soaked towels.

"This is going to take awhile." Whitney said as he looked at the towel in disgust. "A very long while."

OOOOO

Whitney was right. It did take awhile. It took about two hours, causing them to miss lunch. It did not matter though, seeing as how Chloe and Lana were still cleaning batter off the kitchen floor.

"We've been cleaning all morning." Chloe noted to Lana.

Lana looked at the clock, which now read 1:30, and sighed. "At least we don't have to do the laundry room."

Chloe grinned. "Yeah, those poor boys."

"You think they've finished yet?" she asked, curiosity taking over.

"Who knows?" Chloe said with a shrug. "It's very possible. But knowing them..." she trailed off, neither one having to say another word on the matter.

Just then, the door to the kitchen opened, revealing three very wet teens.

"What happened to you guys?" Chloe asked, trying to conceal her laughter.

"Water fight?" Pete offered.

Lana and Chloe burst into laughter. "Can't even clean the laundry room without starting something." Chloe remarked.

Pete raised an eyebrow. "This coming from the same person who caused that mess in the first place."

"While trying to clean up this mess." Whitney added with a grin.

Chloe shrugged. "At least the walls no longer have a fresh coating of batter."

"And the counter tops are visible." Clark added as he took in the sight. "I have to say, I'm impressed."

Chloe and Lana beamed. "Now we just have to finish the floor." Lana reminded.

"Nope, all done." Chloe said, wiping up the last corner with a paper towel. She threw it in the overflowing trashcan and smiled.

"Finally!" Lana exclaimed, throwing hers in the can as well.

Lex chose that moment to appear at the door. Looking in, he saw the kitchen was now spotless. "Hmm, not bad. Though it'd probably be good if you changed clothes." he commented, noticing the batter splattered on Chloe and Lana's clothes. "And what happened to you three?" he asked the soaked boys.

"Water fight." Whitney answered.

Before Lex could respond, Clark held up a hand. "Don't ask." he groaned.

Lex nodded. "I don't think I need to." With that, he walked out of the kitchen.

"I think I'm going to go change." Lana said, leaving the kitchen as well.

"Good idea." Chloe agreed, following her.

Pete looked at the remaining two. "How about we get dried off?"

"Yeah, I don't think I like the wet look." Whitney admitted.

Clark agreed. "Not very comfortable either."

"And I'm cold!" Pete added right before running out the door.

Clark and Whitney just shook their heads before following.

Once in their shared room, they grabbed some towels from the bathroom and some dry clothes.

"Where's my pants?" Pete asked, his voice muffled by the towel.

Whitney sighed. "How am I supposed to know? Do I look like I go around stealing people's pants?"

Pete shrugged. "I don't know. You could."

"They're here in the bathroom." Clark answered, walking out with dry clothes on. "On the floor where you left them."

"Why would you leave clean pants there?" Whitney asked bewildered.

"Seemed like the thing to do." Pete replied, walking in the now vacant bathroom to get his pants.

Whitney rolled his eyes and went to pick up his soaked clothes. As he did, he noticed something shining up at him. "Hey, it's the disc!" he cried out.

Clark looked up at him and Pete came running out of the bathroom, now wearing the dry pair of pants. "So what do we do with it?" Clark asked.

"Frisbee?" Pete suggested.

This caused Whitney's eyes to light up and a grin to appear. "Perfect." He took the disc and flung it at Pete. Pete caught it and flung it at Clark, who also caught it. Clark then threw it to Whitney, who threw it back. This continued for several minutes, until Pete flung it at Whitney, who was unable to catch it. There was then a crunching noise as it hit the wall. Looking behind Whitney, they saw it. There, on the wall nearest the bathroom, just above Whitney's bed, was the disc sticking out.

"I think I'm going to leave that there." Whitney suddenly commented. "It looks nice. I just wish I had some more of those."

Pete eyed it. "He's right. It somehow doesn't seem fair that he gets it, though."

Clark put a hand on his shoulder. "Look at it this way, you still have the rope."

OOOOO

Chloe and Lana were downstairs in the living room watching television while Lex sat at a nearby table looking over some numbers for LexCorp. He had decided that after nearly destroying both the kitchen and the laundry room, they should not be left unsupervised. So he had them sitting on the nearby sofa where he could easily monitor their every move. He was surprised they were so quiet. They had been like that for the last three hours.

"Hey Lex, get over here!" Chloe suddenly cried out, breaking said silence.

Lex groaned. 'All I want to do is have some peace.' he thought to himself. 'Is that too much to ask?' Sighing, he laid down the pen he had been holding, got out of his chair and walked over to the two stationed in front of the TV. "What was so important?"

Lana pointed at the picture on the set, causing Lex to groan. 'I guess it was too much to ask.' he thought, for there on the screen was something that he had been dreading.

"Looks like we're going to be stuck here for awhile." Chloe replied. "At least a week, by the sounds of it."

"So much for LexCorp." Lex muttered, thinking about his paperwork. He then looked at the two on the sofa. "Alright, move over you two."

Chloe and Lana looked at each other and shrugged, moving over to make room for Lex. "Anything you want to watch?" Lana asked him.

"Anything but this." he stated.

"I'll make popcorn!" Chloe shouted as she ran into the kitchen, followed by Lana.

Lex was lost in thought when what she had said finally sunk in. "No!" he yelled, jumping up and running after them.

OOOOO

"Ah, plutonium, love of my life." Pete sighed.

"You really need to find a girl if you're that desperate." Clark commented.

Whitney shook his head. "Nope, I think he's too far gone. Who'd want someone like that?" This earned him a chuckle from Clark and a glare from Pete, who also happened to glare at Clark.

The three had decided that since they were using the plutonium, they would have to take off the rocket. So they were currently in the garage working on it.

"It's like this thing is welded on." Pete grunted as he tried to remove it. "I don't remember us doing that."

"Oh sure we did." Whitney confirmed. "Right after you fell asleep last night."

Pete laughed. "Like I'm going to fall for that. You fell asleep before I did."

Whitney shrugged. "It was worth a try."

After a few more minutes, they had managed to remove the rocket from the car. Mission accomplished!

"What you want to do with it?" Whitney asked, pointing at the rocket.

"We'll put it upstairs in the closet." Pete decided.

Clark shook his head. "That closet's getting pretty crowded. Besides, should we really put a rocket with the plutonium?"

"Good thinking Clark!" Pete exclaimed. "I knew there was a reason we kept you around."

"I somehow feel as though I should be insulted, but I'm surprisingly not." Clark remarked.

"Let's light it!" Whitney suddenly suggested.

Pete's eye lit up with excitement. "Sounds fun."

"Sounds dangerous." Clark said, always the voice of reason. Well, _usually_ the voice of reason.

"Oh come on!" Pete begged. "You never let us have any fun!"

Clark sighed and gave in. "Fine, but if we get killed I'm blaming you."

Pete nodded. "Fine by me."

OOOOO

Oblivious to the happenings in the garage, Lex was trying to prevent a catastrophic event in the kitchen from occurring.

"No, you're not doing it." he insisted.

Chloe looked deflated. "Please Lex? One bag of popcorn?"

"No and that's final."

"But it's microwave." Lana tried. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Lex remained firm. "Absolutely not. I don't even want to think about the worst thing that could happen."

Suddenly a loud boom was heard coming from the garage.

"What now?!" Lex cried out in frustration, taking off towards the garage.

Chloe looked at Lana with a grin. "I think that was the worst thing that could happen."

"But we have the microwave all to ourselves." Lana reminded, both wearing twin grins.

OOOOO

"Oh my God!" Lex exclaimed, looking at the garage. "What did you three idiots do?"

Said idiots stared at their feet. "Do?" Pete innocently asked, looking up at Lex. "What makes you think we did anything?"

"That loud noise I heard coming from in here." he replied, and then added, "And the very large hole in the ceiling."

"Oh, that." Whitney said nonchalantly. "You can hardly notice it."

Lex stared at him in disbelief. "Hardly notice it? It has to be at least two feet in diameter!"

"Hey, would you look at that?" Pete remarked, looking through the hole. "I think I can see up into the attic!"

Whitney walked over and looked up. "Yeah, you can. That's so cool!"

"Again, what did you do?" Lex repeated, very angry.

Clark looked a little frightened. "Rocket." he supplied.

Lex groaned. "How did you ever manage to get a rocket?" He knew this would be hard. Getting answers around here always was.

"I found it under my bed." Pete proudly declared.

"I get the feeling I'm better off not knowing." Lex then tried a different approach. "You do realize how stupid that was?"

Whitney shrugged. "The thought did cross our minds. Well, more like Clark's mind. But we chose to ignore it, seeing how it wasn't nearly as fun."

Now Lex wanted to bang his head against the wall. But then a thought occurred to him. It was his father's house, so what difference did a little hole make? Well, a two foot hole at any rate. "I just know that one day I'll look back and laugh." he finally said. "This whole day has been nothing but a disaster."

"No." Whitney corrected. "You've blocked out the last two days."

"Don't remind me." Lex told him.

The sound of sparks and an explosion could be heard coming from the kitchen.

Lex was groaning again. "Let's go see what they've done this time."

The four went off to the kitchen where Lana and Chloe stood looking at the microwave in shock. There it was. Well, what was left of it. It now looked pretty dead.

"Dear God, not the microwave!" Whitney screamed in horror, as though he had lost a valuable friend.

"What did I tell you?" Lex asked Chloe and Lana sternly, ignoring Whitney's sorrow. "_No _cooking. _No_ making popcorn."

Chloe looked apologetic. "We're sorry Lex. We didn't think this would happen."

"Yes, just like you didn't think it would happen this morning at breakfast. Or later in the laundry room. And look where that got us!" Finally he calmed down a little and came to a decision. "Alright, we're going to all go into the living room and have a nice long chat."

The other five groaned, knowing where this was headed.

OOOOO

It was now 7:00 and Lex was still ranting. He had been for the last two hours. He suddenly stopped and looked at his audience. On one sofa sat Chloe and Pete. On the other sat Clark, Lana and Whitney.

"Did you learn anything at all from this?" Lex asked them, waiting for their answers.

Lana went first. "Not to make waffles for five other people."

"And to always check that there isn't any metal in the microwave before making popcorn." Chloe added.

"Not to let Chloe and Lana do laundry." Pete answered, receiving a smack from Chloe.

Clark looked up. "I'm never listening to these two idiots again." he said, earning a smack from Whitney and a glare from Pete.

It was now Whitney's turn. "I learned a lot today." he reflected. He then began to list everything off. "I found that Lana and Chloe can't cook or clean, which I had suspected prior to this; that The Red Balloon isn't demonic, but just very addicting; that playing Frisbee with a disc can result in cool wall decorations; that setting off a rocket in the garage gives you a cool hole to the attic; and most importantly, I learned that each time Pete falls out of bed, he becomes more brain damaged, which I really didn't think was possible." This resulted in him getting pelted with pillows.

Lex rolled his eyes. "I suppose that's good enough." he told them as he left the room. "Just try not to destroy the house before we leave, seeing as we're snowed in."

The five teens nodded and turned on the TV, completely exhausted by the days events. Pete forgot about the plutonium in the bedroom closet. Chloe and Lana forgot about their séance rescheduled for that night. Whitney forgot about the destroyed microwave he had been mourning over. Clark, however, was remembering something. 'Whitney and Pete were right. That hole was pretty cool.' With that last thought, he fell asleep.

Three hours later, Lex walked in and was amused by the sight in front of him. The five teens had fallen asleep in front of the TV, and they looked so peaceful! Chloe was curled up in the corner of the sofa she had been sharing with Pete, who was now on the floor. And it appeared that he was drooling. In the other corner was Clark, who had left the cramped sofa he had been on when Pete fell off the couch. Lana and Whitney had fallen asleep over the opposite arms of the other sofa.

Lex hated to do it, but he knew that if he did not wake them, they would be sore in the morning. Going over to Chloe and Clark, he woke them up and had them get the other three. Clark woke up Pete and Whitney, and Chloe woke up Lana. The five then went off to bed and Lex turned the TV off, deciding to hit the hay as well.

Just as he was drifting off, a loud thud came from down the hall. Having heard it before, he knew exactly what it was: Pete. Deciding it could wait until the morning, Lex rolled over and covered his head with his pillow.

OOOOO

"Pete, get up." Clark groaned, tired and wanting to go to bed. "I want to go to sleep."

With the help of Whitney, they managed to get Pete awake enough to get back into bed. "Every night." Whitney moaned.

"It was our own fault. We were too tired to tie him in." Clark reminded as he got in bed.

Whitney reluctantly nodded and climbed into his own bed. "Uh-huh."

The three were soon asleep, but it was not to last. The radio blared on, causing Clark, Pete and Whitney to jump awake.

"You're an idiot!" Pete yelled across the room to Whitney. "I told you turn the thing off, not set it for 11:00 at night!"

"I didn't!" Whitney defended, trying to shut the thing off.

"Well somebody did." Clark stated obviously.

After a couple minutes, Whitney got the thing to stop. "Finally." he muttered.

"Go to sleep!" Lex screamed from down the hall.

The three teens sighed before going back to sleep. This was certainly shaping up to be a fun vacation.

**A/N: So I have finally gotten around to updating. I know, long time coming. I can only say how sorry I am and that there are still people reading this. If you are, please review so I know to continue or not. If no one's reading, I'm not sure if I will. Again, sorry for the extreme wait.**

**And to my awesome reviewers:**

**spideyfanzzz - I'm glad you think it's awesome and that you laughed! That was my intent when I wrote this. Thanks for the review.**

**Katie - Well, now there's another chapter for your viewing pleasure! And as to random, that was sorta what I was going for. Glad you liked and thanks!**

**shadowstar-gzan - Laughing so hard? Wow, I feel honored! Thanks! And I hope to get more up much sooner than this update...**

**DigmonGirl - Thanks again, And I still love the smiley :)**

**Ghettogurl94Llane2 - I know, I always take forever writing stuff. But I'm glad you find the story funny. Definitely glad. Hope you liked this and thanks!**

**LunaRiven - You found it lovely? I'm so happy! And glad you're enjoying this. I'm now down to nine days, which I'm really hoping don't take as long as this last chapter. Anyway, thanks for the review!**


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